[Both hands to the wheel for caution and because it feels to surreal. He needs something stronger than the other man to grasp too. Shit he's bled out so much. Bonnie wasn't sure if she could do more than patch him up.]
I can't tell you either, kid. I was there then I wasn't.
[He swallows and nods before he speaks. Freddy is a cop. Joe and Eddie are dead and fresh in their graves now. Again. Something like that. They're on the lamb.]
[He knows his name's Freddy. He knows he's a cop. And he hasn't thrown the kid out of the car to run him over. It's real.]
I can't fuckin' believe it...what the hell happened to us?
[Yeah he's going to ignore the whole dead Joe, Eddie, Marvin Nash, and the scumbag. If Freddy were to think about it more he might realize Pink was nowhere to be found when all the guns went off. Is he still there?]
[He's only assuming other things about those years are gone too, like Larry's new tattoo. Hell they do look a little different. At least in the old man's case being thrown from 3 years living together back to this day he can see a few differences. Lawrence Dimick looked less gruff in the other place, maybe a result from being happier.]
[Less gruff, less road worn, and certainly a hell of a lot more balanced in food. Being a bear type of varying size that time in the desert gave him a kick start toward the slimmer end.]
If you remember and I remember, I can deal.
[That means that it all still means something, right? Right? Larry swallows as he pulls closer. If only there was more time to talk. Freddy's going to be getting the help he so desperately needs to live. That's more important than hashing out details by far.]
[Freddy nods, hand giving a squeeze. Then suddenly he's remembering the ring and how it's no longer on his finger. Is this also going to change that? For a long time he wondered how coming their lives in that place would change anything here, now the kid's got the answer he was looking for. And it doesn't answer a thing. Just because they had a good time then doesn't mean they'll have a good time now. They're on the fucking run.]
Shit.
[He swears softly, not for any particular reason. It's rhetorical.]
[Just because they did so well there doesn't mean he isn't going to try. Dimick comes into the driveway of the hospital holding his hand once again. Small, meaningful luxury. They started that way, sort of. No, it started with tacos and planning.
A look into his young, confident face (Brando bravado) and Lawrence Dimick was lost. A change in location, he says himself, will not change a thing. This is without listening to voices of doubt humming in his ears.]
Remember I'm here for you. I'm not gonna leave. We made it once we can make it again.
[Because he's pulling them into a parking space.]
We'll stay here until you're ready, then we're off again. A real start. No one's gonna get us. [Avoiding eye contact. Freddy can't see his worry, his fear then.]
[Freddy nods, putting his trust in Larry, as if he has anyone else right now. You could have said no, Newendyke, you didn't really have to go with him. Don't pretend you didn't have a choice. What does that make Freddy Newendyke, formerly of the Los Angeles Police Department?]
Don't leave my sight while we're in there.
[Or at all. The old man isn't looking straight at him which is all fine because that makes it easier for the kid to really look at those crow's feet. Funny how it works.]
[Memories and trust. Two things. The l-word makes for three.]
I'll piss. That's it.
[Larry squints from the light, from the stress. He's steeling himself. His Spanish is passable. Passable is gonna need some help in this emergency. The engine dies and the buzz goes on in his skin.]
I love you. Hear me? We're gonna be okay.
[Unsolicited it sounds better to his ears. Still there is no way of knowing.]
[He said it. Of course he said it. Of course he feels the same. Because those years still feel like yesterday. They're back here in this world, this time and place, but not completely. Instead of saying words back Freddy leans over enough to place a kiss on the corner of the old man's mouth. He wasn't aiming for it, he's just too ill and weak to really make it a proper kiss. You don't forget all that time in one blink.]
[A kiss is a kiss. That one word is something that makes a bold cop go quiet. It's a truth that the old man has come to accept. That's how Freddy is. Nerves, tiredness and general black feelings can't be touched by the meaning of his mouth pressing to his face.]
Okay, tough guy.
[One deep breath in. One deep breath out. Larry gets out and makes is way to the other side to help Freddy out.]
[Freddy's got a small meal in him, something bland and hardly delicious, but good enough. He can't have anything that might provoke his belly into going nuclear, he can't even have a cigarette but he's already smoked one against doctor's orders. As if Doctor Juan is going to care, they're never going back to that hospital. Freddy's already sure for a little while they won't be seen in the same place twice. This motel hell is only temporary, a blessing and a curse. He's sitting up in the bed because it feels better than laying down. How he's going to sleep without exhaustion to black him out is going to be the real test. They have painkillers with them, he's tempted to take enough to knock him out for a couple hours.]
The TV sucks.
[He comments to break the silence. It's all in Spanish and there's no bizarre intergalactic space porn to discover either.]
[Larry's counting out the money in the can. He was trying to be quick about it. They still have American dollars. They're still plenty good down here. Losing patience, and concentration once again, he folds the bills into the clip again and then washes his face.]
How's that?
[The walls are thin enough. And they may be among the few ready to exchange in English. Both of em have had their fill of eats. Except the old man doesn't have much of his appetite. Larry goes over to the television. The towel is still around his bare shoulders and he gives the top of the tube an open handed whack.]
I thought it said we'd have cable.
[Television is not the only topic they have about to discuss. There is only one bed in this room. It feels smaller, like they're still in some ant farm universe.]
[Freddy insists, caramel green eyes widening when a big paw gives it a whack. If Larry breaks the TV then they really won't have anything to fill the silence, even if it's in another language. Yeah he may or may not be avoiding that other stuff despite being in the bed they may have to share.]
[He's itching for a cigarette but feels guilty each and every time for lighting up. No fumar means no fumar for Freddy, except he's already done so. Smoking makes a smoker want to smoke.]
[Sigh. He knows he knows. Just busting your chops, old man, can't blame a kid for ill-timed humor. At that question Freddy sort of shrugs.]
I'm okay. Sore. I can't expect it to be a walk in the park.
[He's got a healing belly wound and they're out of the US and on the run and oh there's that whole alternate fucking universe for three fucking years thing.]
[The other choice is to say silent, act like strangers.]
Fuck if I know how.
[He shakes his head. The road and sun have made him weary. But that doesn't mean he's gone off topic.]
It's a lot to think about. I mean, we were full established.
[Now they're at the bottom. Below the bottom. NO diamonds. Except they still have what's important right? The old man said that word back there right before Freddy had to be surrounded be doctors and nurses.]
[Freddy says with that frustrating level of doubt and skepticism. He can't help it. He was a fucking cop again, complete with partner, they had their own place, Larry was keeping a low profile, they had everything. Now they have nothing but their lives and probably a manhunt for them. What will his mom think?]
...We can't tell anyone, you know. We'll get locked up. [The kid doesn't have it in him to laugh at the idea of it being so real they could plead not guilty by insanity. Who would believe them anyway?] That was three years, Larry.
[Three years down the goddamn drain. Why did they get to have it? Who decided to pull the plug now?]
[That was what they always had said it would be. But Larry never took much stock in what it all meant. What were words to an experience he would never know or so he thought. After three years he was starting to believe that there was a chance they would never see home again, even for all his efforts to prepare while within the City's sanctuary.
The bed creaks as he shifts his weight.]
We can't tell a soul. I know that.
[A secret between the two of them, another secret.]
Who would believe? It's seems like a fantasy.
[A rock and roll fantasy of theirs they built and built in the chaos. Now it was all memories. Their apartment, the cars, the motorcycle, the bygone toucan, their modest wealth...]
[Freddy says in quiet agreement, almost defeat. But how can it be defeat when they're sitting here together? If anything it's a setback, a really big fucking setback. Maybe if Freddy tells himself that over and over he'll be convinced to feel guiltless.]
Who guessed I still wouldn't get to go back home, huh?
[Horrible horrible joke but he tries to laugh anyway.]
Sort of a second chance, I guess. Or just a way we can really go about it without having to pick up and start over.
[In the conventional sense. Except here, on the other side of the border with all of their problems it hasn't felt the same. Fuck, old man. What do you want? It's early. And his belly is mending too.
Larry sighs.]
Before anything happens, I want to tell you that if you feel different... then you feel different. And I don't regret a fucking thing.
[Oh Dimmy, Dimmy Dimmy Dimmy...Freddy has to look away, not because it sickens him or anything like that. He just doesn't want Larry to see him weak and confused.]
I don't know how I feel...
[It's the truth. How he feels about Lawrence Dimick doesn't change, but where they are now, the time and place, that changes the game. Aliens and witches and other bullshit in the city were terrorizing threats, yet here in their true time and place, Freddy feels like he has so much more to lose.]
But I don't regret it either.
[He adds. Another truth. How could he regret it? How could he regret not just Larry but people like Ferguson and Eames and many others, even his not-quite-a-toucan companion. Belatedly the kid notices his finger is missing the weight of a shiny man's ring.]
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orangetoughguy) wrote2010-08-06 11:39 pm
no subject
[Both hands to the wheel for caution and because it feels to surreal. He needs something stronger than the other man to grasp too. Shit he's bled out so much. Bonnie wasn't sure if she could do more than patch him up.]
I can't tell you either, kid. I was there then I wasn't.
[He swallows and nods before he speaks. Freddy is a cop. Joe and Eddie are dead and fresh in their graves now. Again. Something like that. They're on the lamb.]
I know, Freddy. You're a cop.
[It doesn't make it less of a murder.]
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I can't fuckin' believe it...what the hell happened to us?
[Yeah he's going to ignore the whole dead Joe, Eddie, Marvin Nash, and the scumbag. If Freddy were to think about it more he might realize Pink was nowhere to be found when all the guns went off. Is he still there?]
That was three whole fuckin' years, Larry.
no subject
[Three years. So much. All the wondering and doubt. Here they are back where it started more or less. Now they got a head start.]
It's a long time. Longer than I could have hoped for.
[And now that it's done, it is a mind fuck to be in their own reality. The hospital is visible ahead..]
no subject
[He's only assuming other things about those years are gone too, like Larry's new tattoo. Hell they do look a little different. At least in the old man's case being thrown from 3 years living together back to this day he can see a few differences. Lawrence Dimick looked less gruff in the other place, maybe a result from being happier.]
no subject
If you remember and I remember, I can deal.
[That means that it all still means something, right? Right? Larry swallows as he pulls closer. If only there was more time to talk. Freddy's going to be getting the help he so desperately needs to live. That's more important than hashing out details by far.]
no subject
[Freddy nods, hand giving a squeeze. Then suddenly he's remembering the ring and how it's no longer on his finger. Is this also going to change that? For a long time he wondered how coming their lives in that place would change anything here, now the kid's got the answer he was looking for. And it doesn't answer a thing. Just because they had a good time then doesn't mean they'll have a good time now. They're on the fucking run.]
Shit.
[He swears softly, not for any particular reason. It's rhetorical.]
no subject
A look into his young, confident face (Brando bravado) and Lawrence Dimick was lost. A change in location, he says himself, will not change a thing. This is without listening to voices of doubt humming in his ears.]
Remember I'm here for you. I'm not gonna leave. We made it once we can make it again.
[Because he's pulling them into a parking space.]
We'll stay here until you're ready, then we're off again. A real start. No one's gonna get us. [Avoiding eye contact. Freddy can't see his worry, his fear then.]
no subject
[Freddy nods, putting his trust in Larry, as if he has anyone else right now. You could have said no, Newendyke, you didn't really have to go with him. Don't pretend you didn't have a choice. What does that make Freddy Newendyke, formerly of the Los Angeles Police Department?]
Don't leave my sight while we're in there.
[Or at all. The old man isn't looking straight at him which is all fine because that makes it easier for the kid to really look at those crow's feet. Funny how it works.]
no subject
I'll piss. That's it.
[Larry squints from the light, from the stress. He's steeling himself. His Spanish is passable. Passable is gonna need some help in this emergency. The engine dies and the buzz goes on in his skin.]
I love you. Hear me? We're gonna be okay.
[Unsolicited it sounds better to his ears. Still there is no way of knowing.]
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no subject
Okay, tough guy.
[One deep breath in. One deep breath out. Larry gets out and makes is way to the other side to help Freddy out.]
no subject
The TV sucks.
[He comments to break the silence. It's all in Spanish and there's no bizarre intergalactic space porn to discover either.]
no subject
How's that?
[The walls are thin enough. And they may be among the few ready to exchange in English. Both of em have had their fill of eats. Except the old man doesn't have much of his appetite. Larry goes over to the television. The towel is still around his bare shoulders and he gives the top of the tube an open handed whack.]
I thought it said we'd have cable.
[Television is not the only topic they have about to discuss. There is only one bed in this room. It feels smaller, like they're still in some ant farm universe.]
no subject
[Freddy insists, caramel green eyes widening when a big paw gives it a whack. If Larry breaks the TV then they really won't have anything to fill the silence, even if it's in another language. Yeah he may or may not be avoiding that other stuff despite being in the bed they may have to share.]
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I was trying to help.
[The picture jumped. That's about all.]
Are you doing okay? Any pain?
[He's itching for a cigarette but feels guilty each and every time for lighting up. No fumar means no fumar for Freddy, except he's already done so. Smoking makes a smoker want to smoke.]
no subject
[Sigh. He knows he knows. Just busting your chops, old man, can't blame a kid for ill-timed humor. At that question Freddy sort of shrugs.]
I'm okay. Sore. I can't expect it to be a walk in the park.
[He's got a healing belly wound and they're out of the US and on the run and oh there's that whole alternate fucking universe for three fucking years thing.]
no subject
[Coming forward he takes a seat on the bed and rubs his hands together. No smoking. Not yet.
For a moment he watches the TV like it holds interest for him. It doesn't. Just glow and noise.]
...I can't believe this is happening. This is us. We're here.
[He turns completely with his back to the tube and facing Freddy.]
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I know.
[Dumb. That was a dumb thing to say. He averts his gaze because he can't find the right words.]
I don't know how. Who knows how.
[Nobody does, nobody will, ever.]
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Fuck if I know how.
[He shakes his head. The road and sun have made him weary. But that doesn't mean he's gone off topic.]
It's a lot to think about. I mean, we were full established.
[Now they're at the bottom. Below the bottom. NO diamonds. Except they still have what's important right? The old man said that word back there right before Freddy had to be surrounded be doctors and nurses.]
no subject
[Freddy says with that frustrating level of doubt and skepticism. He can't help it. He was a fucking cop again, complete with partner, they had their own place, Larry was keeping a low profile, they had everything. Now they have nothing but their lives and probably a manhunt for them. What will his mom think?]
...We can't tell anyone, you know. We'll get locked up. [The kid doesn't have it in him to laugh at the idea of it being so real they could plead not guilty by insanity. Who would believe them anyway?] That was three years, Larry.
[Three years down the goddamn drain. Why did they get to have it? Who decided to pull the plug now?]
no subject
[That was what they always had said it would be. But Larry never took much stock in what it all meant. What were words to an experience he would never know or so he thought. After three years he was starting to believe that there was a chance they would never see home again, even for all his efforts to prepare while within the City's sanctuary.
The bed creaks as he shifts his weight.]
We can't tell a soul. I know that.
[A secret between the two of them, another secret.]
Who would believe? It's seems like a fantasy.
[A rock and roll fantasy of theirs they built and built in the chaos. Now it was all memories. Their apartment, the cars, the motorcycle, the bygone toucan, their modest wealth...]
....makes you feel a little empty.
no subject
[Freddy says in quiet agreement, almost defeat. But how can it be defeat when they're sitting here together? If anything it's a setback, a really big fucking setback. Maybe if Freddy tells himself that over and over he'll be convinced to feel guiltless.]
Who guessed I still wouldn't get to go back home, huh?
[Horrible horrible joke but he tries to laugh anyway.]
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[A smile but it is grim, rueful even.]
Sort of a second chance, I guess. Or just a way we can really go about it without having to pick up and start over.
[In the conventional sense. Except here, on the other side of the border with all of their problems it hasn't felt the same. Fuck, old man. What do you want? It's early. And his belly is mending too.
Larry sighs.]
Before anything happens, I want to tell you that if you feel different... then you feel different. And I don't regret a fucking thing.
no subject
I don't know how I feel...
[It's the truth. How he feels about Lawrence Dimick doesn't change, but where they are now, the time and place, that changes the game. Aliens and witches and other bullshit in the city were terrorizing threats, yet here in their true time and place, Freddy feels like he has so much more to lose.]
But I don't regret it either.
[He adds. Another truth. How could he regret it? How could he regret not just Larry but people like Ferguson and Eames and many others, even his not-quite-a-toucan companion. Belatedly the kid notices his finger is missing the weight of a shiny man's ring.]
no subject
I feel tired.
[Enough to comb his hair back and try not to make more waves here in the land down under.]
That much is clear.
[He was hoping for more positivity. Something to help him keep going. Freddy is only a person, of course he would be caught up in his own head.]
...I want to keep going.
[Softly.]
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