orangetoughguy | log post II

I killed that woman, Larry.

[Those words come out faster than he can think them because it's always sitting on the kid's conscience. Marvin too, his inability to keep the poor proby alive. Fuck to die so soon on the job like that.]

I wasn't after the diamonds and you know it.

I know.

[About the woman. About not being in it for the diamonds.]

And I suppose I would have got her if you didn't.

[Because he got all of those cops. That's hanging over the old man's head right now. Were they people Freddy knew?]

You know I killed too.

[All he could think about where those years behind bars stretching out before him.]

You suffered, suffered like the rest of us. Don't tell me you don't deserve some restitution.

I was doin' my job. [A thankless job but something he loves doing otherwise even though it doesn't pay in diamonds.] All that wasn't part of it.

[But Freddy would be such a fucking liar if he said not once did he think about dropping the entire deal and heading for the border with Mr. White. Is that a good or bad thing? Does that make him a good or bad cop?]

You did what you thought you had to do to stay alive, Larry. I can't take a cut out of the set up I helped make. What if somebody found out? Then I'm not just a cop I'm a dirty cop and nobody on any side of the law likes that.

[Except crooks who aim to keep dirty cops on their side permanently. He shakes his head.]

[Lately it's been difficult to see where Freddy stops and Officer Newendyke begins. It's what they keep avoiding, isn't it? Except, see, that's who he is.]

Why can't it be part of the cover up? [Already he's shaking his head and a hand with it to veto that.]

You don't have no reservations with me takin' it? That's a crime. [He's a crime.]

Don't start that bullshit with me right now, Larry.

[It's half a warning, half a plea, because Freddy really doesn't know where Officer Newendyke begins, where Freddy ends, where Mr. Orange went or if he's been undercover this whole time. There are more crimes he's committed than telling Larry to take the diamonds and he knows Larry knows that too.]

[The old man turns away to freshen his glass of Jose Cuervo.]

Crossed my mind.

[More than once. As for Freddy's crimes, well, murder, harboring criminals, grand theft auto, assault, grand theft, petty theft...]

More?

[Of the booze from their refrigerator, in their apartment that they share.]

Yeah, I know. It crosses my mind too okay?

[As if Larry didn't know he thinks about it as well. Nevertheless he holds his glass out to the old man for a refill. Also, it's time for a cigarette.]

Shit man, I don't fuckin' know.

[They are what they are: a cop and a crook. It isn't going to change unless someone reforms, and someone won't. Larry can't ask that of Freddy. And Freddy wouldn't in return. He hopes. There are few things he wouldn't do for the kid. Very few.]

They'll be the closet.

[For now. Until he'll know. If he'll ever know.]

Look, I knew it was a hot button. You should know. I was so fucking mad when I knew he had it all this time.

Okay. [He nods, taking another much needed sip that doesn't go all over the place.] What a way to fuckin' find out too.

[Freddy could kick Pink's ass...but he won't because the weasel gave them their cut. Maybe he should have a word with him though, just to keep up appearances. He's also glad Larry doesn't push the cop-and-crook thing.]

Came out when we were digging for something to bust the cuffs apart.

[That part of the story Freddy already knew. So. Now he knows it all. Though there isn't that much to cheer about for reclaiming owed riches.]

Does it bother you? You don't needa say why it is. I just want you to tell me.

[Of course it bothers him and Larry knows why but how can Freddy here express what someone like Larry hshould do? He has a right to his cut, he worked hard and bled harder for it. In that world, the diamonds are his. Not in Freddy's world though and that just goes back to the crux of this problem.]

Yeah it fuckin' bothers me Larry. It don't bother me if you keep'em, that's your business. [That's been his business for years right?] But I can't take'em, I can't use'em. As long as they're with me they're goin' back where they came from. [If they ever leave this place. He swallows again in preparation for saying the words.] Because I'm a cop, because they're part of a bust op.

[Just to make it clear, Freddy doesn't want Larry to think moral or ethical judgment weighs heavily on his decision. Not keeping them doesn't make him a better person, keeping them doesn't make Larry a worse person in his book.]

Okay then.

[Clear as crystal, harder than...diamonds. Maybe they're cursed. All fragments of the fucking Hope diamond. Okay, it's far fetched. Larry drinks down his glass again.]

Don't worry about it.

[This goes for the both of them. Or something.]

We're cool. [Or something.] And we dunno when we'll be heading out.

Okay. [He's not sure he believes Larry only because it's just as believable Larry needs time to convince himself it's okay. Some help you are, Newendyke. Say it louder.] Okay, Larry.

[He hopes the old man just takes those diamonds when he's not looking, so the kid doesn't have to deal with them at all. Does it make him weak? Incapable of handling a situation he created? Is that why he needs someone like Mr. White around to help put him in his place? Freddy sips. The tequila burns.]

No, we don't. [A shake of his head.] Shit I ain't ready for that either.

[What more can be done? Drag is feet, start a fight because Freddy is doing what he should? It don't make no sense. There's no resolution. Brick wall of facts that won't move and won't get easier to face. But they gotta.

This side of the conversation, for the moment, Larry's not sure if he wants the jewels anymore. They make money and live fucking comfortably. It'd be a bonus. How would Freddy know that Larry spent the money on him? Would that piss him off?

More booze.]

Me neither. I'm good right here. [With you. Those brown eyes say.]

[Not if the kid never knows officially. If he has an idea he'll never say a word. It's what can incriminate him that matters first, because he's still a cop, he hasn't decided to abandon his shield. Not yet. Cops who have to go to jail are the most vulnerable, aren't they?]

Me too.

[There's another nod of agreement for you, Larry. This time eyes that are looking a little greener than usual are staring directly at brown ones.]

[They are. Larry is jet set for the clink if they head back exactly where they came from. And if Freddy is going to follow, by hook or by crook, he'd find a way to look out for this man.]

It ain't always gonna be like this. I know. But, that don't mean that we've got to be at odds if we don't have to.

[A big hand reaches out to cup the side of his face.]

I don't want you to be a dirty cop. Not for me.

[Even then, he'd still be a better man that Dimick.]

I know that.

[The kid has to smile a little, head tilting into that big paw. Of course he won't be at odds if he doesn't have to be. How can he when most of the time this man, Lawrence Dimick, is everything good? Maybe in the eyes of some higher authority Freddy's just as bad for loving it, however so far he can count only one brutal unnecessary altercation that resulted from this. Never again though, he made Larry swear by it.]

Don't get me wrong, tough guy, I'm not gonna be a dirty cop. [He shakes his head.] But I'm not blind to a faulty system either.

[The kind that required a young man still fresh in undercover work to bleed to death with a rookie because having better back up meant blowing up the whole case. Would they have sacrificed getting Joe Cabot just to save Marvin Nash?]

Don't start, okay?

[Repeating it, saying it out loud to process makes it easier to swallow. Yesterday, Freddy was a cop. Today Freddy is a cop. Tomorrow he'll be a cop too. He's got to do what he's got to do. It's frustrating and admirable. The LAPD doesn't deserve him.]

I fucking love who you are, kid.

[Combing through that floppy hair he sighs.]

[Okay. Don't apologize for starting, Newendyke, just take it easy. Again he nods under a heavy paw, loving the feeling of Larry's hand on his head. His face. Everything. He reaches up to take that paw and bring it down to his mouth where his lips purse against his palm.]

I love who you are, you old son of a bitch.

[Not a dirty one, although Mr. White can be dirty, sometimes.]

[Those paws like touching on his face. Two paws on him now.]

Even though I gotta do fucked up things?

[Larry's pretty sure of the answer. He can be selfish sometimes, can't he?

He almost wishes that the kid would at least see them, get a look at what they've stressed over. Truth be told, Larry had never seen so many diamonds in his life. As expensive as they might be, he's taken a greater liking to emeralds.

The pads of his fingers brush over stubble.]

Who doesn't do fucked up things, huh?

[Larry killed people to get away, knowing they could just as easily have killed him (them) too. Larry nearly killed another man for attacking him. Yet Larry's a prime example of a gentleman, better than any he's ever met. Freddy here, Freddy's lied and lied and lied. Freddy insisted on keeping open to seeing other people only to grow jealous when they did. Freddy made his only real friend here feel wronged for liking pin ups. What a way to be.]

But I don't want to fuck up what we got, baby.

[What they could still have in Los Angeles, if they play their hand right. Shit those diamonds could buy him his freedom, a way to start fresh. Could Freddy do that?]

Not on purpose all the time.

[Freddy here, though, he's noble as they come for the good guys. There was no guarantee that he'd be 100% safe, that Larry can see from his end, still he stuck it out. And he did lie, it ate him up. The man's got a big heart, anybody with eyes can see that. He handed off his prize to some kid he didn't know. Hell, he puts up with an old man who expects so fucking much.]

Hey. Don't talk like that. Nothin' is gonna happen to you and me, easily.

[And he'll seal it with a kiss.]

No. [He says it like repetition will make it more believable.] Nothin's gonna happen.

[They can't know it for sure but like Larry said how can they or anyone continue on at odds? How do you continue on thinking it's gonna be over? Freddy's still young and to an extent so is Larry, young enough to keep thinking they're invincible, they'll prevail, old enough to know sometimes you just gotta drive off to get out of this town.

He knocks the tequila glass over trying to get up against this tough ass motherfucker with calloused but careful paws. He puts his cigarette in the fallen glass, taking care of any fire risks.]

[A little more convincing and everything's okay.]

Now you got it. Nothin'll happen to us, baby. As good as Superman.

[One paw drapes the towel over the mess. No use cryin' over spilled booze. The wiry, handsome body is better to grab a hold onto. Especially if he's gonna grip him tight, better to pull him into his lap if he can.]

Without the kryptonite.

[That stuff's green though, not as warm as his eyes.

Forget the lap. Freddy here is working to pull Larry down onto the floor with him. He's wiry but whip sharp and just as whip fast. He had plans to tell the old man what he told the girl and her bastard boyfriend, that he might have just compromised his own safety, but they have the diamonds now and right at this moment all of that don't fuckin' matter. His arms hook around the old man, aching to pull his weight over him, like he might just crawl into that bear hide for safety.]

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