orangetoughguy | log post II

[Brief closed lipped kisses for each temple before just holding onto him. He thought about it, of course he thought about what it would be like day to day if they were on their own against the world away from the law that Freddy enforces and that Larry runs from. Nobody knows what'll happen. Larry doesn't even know if he would ever extend that kind of an offer. He wets his lips.

Nothing can be forced. That's the problem with curses. They'll drop all over a guy, get him twisted then leave them scrambling. Here they are, scrambling.]

It's not your fault, baby. It's not my fault. I didn't ask to get a peek into that. I know you didn't either.

[Those kisses, one to each side, feel so hot to the kid like they might burn him. Is it contradictory to want to be branded Dimick's while being incapable of running away with him at the drop of a hat? Fuck this is exactly what that city shit does, this is exactly what it wants isn't it? Freddy swallows a hardness in his throat.]

I don't know what else to tell you, Larry.

[He whispers, wanting to fix this or do whatever it takes to make it better because being imperfect with Lawrence Dimick is far more preferable to being righteous without him. The kid reaches up to frame where he hit the old man, not touching the mark but still edging around it.]

[Sure it's red and the size of a Freddy paw it isn't as bad as it could have been. Whatever hurt that comes out of the hit is not as hurtful as a fight with his man. He keeps looking into Freddy's face, trying for eye contact.]

Okay, Freddy. That's okay. There ain't much more you can tell me if you dunno.

[Nose hovers at his temple again. What a mess. Sure he wasn't expecting a good and easy conversation, but tis went down too hard and fast in the wrong direction. It's not their fault. He breathes in and out in the moment.]

[It takes a little while because he's so focused on the print he's left on Lawrence Dimick's face, then finally those caramel greens shift in focus to settle on warm brown eyes. Those fucking lines around them get Freddy every time. He's an old man who could do a lot better than this kid, as far as Freddy's concerned.]

Okay...

[Another swallow, then a nod. There's no good reason to get any madder, he's said what he said, he can't take it back. Part of him doesn't want to seeing how Larry's still holding him despite every biting word. Maybe Dimick was actually listening too.]

Okay.

[Here. He'll tilt his head a little if he wants to inspect the red mark. Eyes don't stray far from Freddy's if they do at all. There's a change in color too. The man's still in his twenties and after that he'll be in his thirties. There's so much more in this world to offer him, things that aren't accessible even by theft. Maybe he really does not have a clue what he wants at all even when he says he doesn't want a straight and narrow fuck. Far be it from Larry to tell Freddy what he wants. That's just it. No villas or haciendas, no matrimony.

Every word is deserved. Not wanting more doesn't mean that he doesn't want things to keep going. He sighs.]

I'm sorry.

[Not yet anyway, that's the part the kid doesn't know how to articulate right. Maybe it won't always be no and neither can he promise a yes. Who knows how he'll feel in a week, a month, another year. Shit how long have they been living together? No way in hell could Larry have wanted to run away together so soon after their ordeal...except that's what they did isn't it? When they circled this island they were looking for the border. Nevermind what was going through the kid's head at the time, the old man clearly had their safety at the top of his list. Their safety first.

He finally stops pawing at the mark to embrace Larry, hard and firm, like he almost lost a friend.]

Me too. I care about you, okay? [Breathe, Newendyke. He talks with a shake to his voice like he's trying to fight off that fuck Orange became when Freddy lost part of his memories.] I want you and I need you, man.

[Getting the fuck out to safety where no one would find them. That was the initial plan. Everything else has been a surprise. Friends first, then fucking one another, then seeing other people...this.

They're different. Freddy's got a cross hanging in his room and comic book heroes on his shelves. What does he know and want about settling down? What does a forty-three year old man, steadily fucked and constantly adored have to worry about other than a warrant?

Brown eyes blink rapidly to keep seeing clearly. The bullet hole grade words feel better hearing that this old fuck that says the wrong things is still wanted and needed.]

I love you.

[And he'll hold him tighter. Be glad for what he's got at all. Who knows if it'll be fucked up by some real blow that's not a curse that ends.]

I need you too.

[His fingertips dig into the other man's back, that's how intense he feels. Enough to claw into Lawrence Dimick just to make sure he knows Freddy doesn't want him going anywhere.]

Right back at you, old man.

[Freddy says with a shudder only to amend his seemingly noncommittal remark in a whisper.] I fucking love you, Larry.

[Larry shuts his eyes and holds him just to hold him. No one needs to be fucking dying to clutch at him like this. They don't even need to be fucking. He's slowly fitting back together after being blown apart.]

We're fine as we are.

[His voice breaks a little at the end.]

[Part of what makes Lawrence Dimick so damn hard to resist is the fact that they don't have to be fucking or dying to be held. Freddy can hardly call it resistance too because he has no desire to resist, not anymore.]

Go for a walk with me.

[Something normal, some fresh air even though Freddy has every intention of smoking along the way. No he doesn't plan on bringing the toucan, as long as he can spoil the beast with a huge stem of grapes to keep him busy.]

[Larry combs back his own hair with both mitts than Freddy's a little to make it look a bit more put together.]

Okay.

[Huff. The bear looks to the bird a second. Where did he-? Oh. He was hiding out during all that. Good idea. Shoes on now. He holds the door open for the kid when he's ready to go.]

[His hair just flops right back into place without any gel or wax to keep it styled but that's okay with Freddy. That's how this hound is. After sticking grapes in the cage, prompting a toucan to hop out of the log and perch happily, e-ee-e-e-ee-e'ing cheerfully before feasting on the stuff, Freddy locks the cage door again then grabs a hoodie and pulls on his shoes. He gives the old man a look just as he's stepping through the doorway, something soft but wordless.]

[That look. Larry shuts the door enough to obscure them and the inside of the apartment as he leans forward to say something wordless with his mouth against Freddy's.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

You make me so happy.

Sometimes he can be a stupid old man who thinks he knows and wants everything.]

[This kiss doesn't surprise him even though he can't say he saw it coming, but when it does these hands are on Larry and this mouth right on his to return the sentiment.

I don't know what I'd do without you. You piss me off so fucking much. I love you.]

[You're the best thing I got. Slowly as it simmers down he pulls away. That's a smile just for Freddy Newendyke right there. Now he'll open the door.]

[Freddy's smile isn't as wide, not quite like a floppy haired kid's usual grin, but with good reason. When they're on their way out, at some point (granted where they're in a less crowded place in which people won't know who they are) he'll guide one of those bear arms around himself to stuff Larry's paw into his own hoodie pocket. That's where it's easiest for him to slip his own hand on top of the other, subtle and out of sight.]

log post II

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