orangetoughguy | log post II

It sure doesn't.

[He's taking that glass of milk and wolfing it down with another bite of donut like he's twelve years old. The toucan wandering on the counter and staring at both of them makes it a little more surreal. Freddy can't decide if it's the space inside that feels unreal or the space outside anymore.]

Shit Larry I don't know if I can do it.

[Oh fuck if there was a time for tears it's right now. He was going to tell the old man right then and there he's a cop, before they wound up here. If time's passed they're probably missing persons. If not...then the cops, they'll be looking for them.]

[The old man takes a seat. A donut dunked in hot coffee is an unbeatable combination. Still things are strange.]

You can. [Larry looks up from his mug and for a moment he thinks of another drink. Instead he sets it down] I know that you can. If it means picking up where we started, that's what it means. We're doing this, alright? We're doing this right.

[Together.]

I fucked up so fuckin' bad, man.

[Sorry Lawrence Dimick, this kid is weeping.] I fuckin' killed them.

[The woman in the car, Officer Nash.]

[As a crook? Yes. As a cop though? How in the hell was he supposed to control that many elements? How? Larry pulls his chair closer. Eye contact is what he is striving for.

Don't turn away, Freddy because he's gonna try and follow you, try and go to the place where you are emotionally.]

You didn't make Blonde crack. You didn't make the cops come late. [They came late right?] Everything else after was in response.

[The chair creaks as he leans closer to put his hand on Freddy's knee. As clear as yesterday he can hear the gunshots, see the faces. Joe, Eddie, Blonde, Brown, Blue, the young black girl...]

Shit happened, okay?

[Shit happened and now shit's got real. They're this close to LA, this close to kissing their rock and roll fantasy goodbye. What's going to happen to Larry? What's going to happen to Freddy? If it weren't for his major fuck up maybe they wouldn't be here. What does it all mean? Freddy rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms.]

I'm sorry, Larry.

[For not keeping his cool back then and now, for being a cop, for being unable to tell him everything's gonna be okay.]

[The color of his eyes really kicks up a notch when the water works are on. Breaks Larry's heart. What to tell him? Nothing to get his hopes up too high. Shit is going to hit the fan. They'll be back in Los Angeles, whatever time may or may not have lapsed they'll be looked for. He sighs and leans even closer both hands hover a second like he can't touch him, like it isn't acceptable---back home it's not everywhere else but some private place. How many of those will they get?

The handkerchief comes on out. Not a fleck of blood is on it. Larry hands it over to Freddy to blow that nose on it, to wipe his face, fuck to just throw it back.]

Quit it with that.

[Fuck it, old man. Don't wall up now. That's not what the kid needs.]

I've forgiven you. Don't you know that?

[For once the kid actually uses it, not that he's had many opportunities to refuse it. Freddy wipes at his eyes before dabbing at his stately nose. No need to blow it just yet.]

I know.

[That's what makes this so fucking hard, like they could be throwing away something they've built together for home, for real life so to speak. Was this real life too or just fantasy? Fuck no. Don't think that way Newendyke. Lawrence Dimick is real. He reaches out to grab hold of Larry's hand tightly.]

[Hand in hand, kinda like they started in the backseat of that lady's car.]

We're only leavin' behind stuff, okay? We're gonna take all that we learned and did with us.

[Where are these words coming from? They're so fucking certain. So damn cool.]

I'm not gonna stop lovin' you or caring about what the fuck happens, okay?

[Just the very way White says it makes Orange smile a little bit, like when he whispered into his ear. He's fucking comforting in his own way even when he's not making a joke. Freddy nods once, twice.]

Whatever fuckin' happens.

[I fucking love you, old man.]

That's a good man.

[How are they supposed to not be so damn frank and open with displays of affection? The old man combs back Freddy's hair from his forehead. What a fucking sap.]

We're gonna be okay.

[The kid nods again, still a little shaky but otherwise firm on going with Lawrence Dimick to wherever this trip is gonna take them.]

We're gonna be okay.

[See? He said the goddamn fucking words.]

[That's the most important element of the trip, they're in this together 100%.]

Preach it.

[No more tears hopefully. Those he won't be able to handle. Behind the wheel he'll really have to steel himself and not turn tail. They've done that before. And before Freddy wasn't ready for it. Hell, the old man doesn't feel ready but it feels right to go with it.]

Should we get the bird somethin'?

[To eat, or maybe some kinda cage to go?]

No, he's gonna be fine.

[Freddy says with a pat to Sam's head. See because if they don't make it somewhere safe, somewhere he can keep the bird, Sam's heading off to a luxurious pad in the LA Zoo. It's a sad plan but he isn't gonna lock the bird up in the shrine or just let him fly off on his own. This isn't Brazil...of course they could always head down to Brazil too.]

Okay, I'm cool. I'm cool... [Say it like a mantra, Newendyke.] Let's finish up.

[Fine wouldn't be the word Larry'd use to describe how he looks. All the same he'll nod and accept it. The going gets tough. So the tough need to be going.

And the bird too. He's tough in his way.]

Super cool.

[Paws roughly pat Freddy's arm. A few more generous gulps of coffee and a donut more is all he can take for breakfast.]

log post II

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