orangetoughguy | log post II

[No one wants to hear a guy crying about it so thinks the guy who told another guy it's okay to be scared. How many times has Freddy Newendyke cried on Lawrence Dimick? Maybe the incidents are few and far between but he's seen Freddy at his soppiest wet tears.]

Hey, I don't want you sayin' anything cause you think they oughta be said but I'm listening and I don't forget.

[He leans in to look up at the old man as a courtesy just like how he remembers biking off the roof, fracturing his hand playing hockey, being a waterboy for a couple boxers, and an oaf called Truck the dog.]

[That was close to twenty years ago. Is it still justified to cry when it's that long ago?]

Freddy... [Larry's lips feel dry. Thinking over it all makes him feel like he doesn't belong on this couch in this room.] I didn't do many bad things then, bad on a bigger scale I mean. I fought like an animal but I had a cause. I fucked people who wanted to.

[Why is he saying it like that? Coffee hits his lips before more of the Chesterfield.]

Keep talkin'.

[He nods, blowing smoke to one side. Surely it goes without saying Larry should keep talking only if he wants to, right? The kid's listening, letting the words paint a picture of Lawrence Dimick 20 years ago, his first stint in prison. People making other people un-new. He hasn't forgotten how Larry reacted when he put his hands around his throat even if Freddy wasn't quite himself at the time either.]

Whatever it made of you, I like the guy I've got to know.

[This Lawrence Dimick, whether or not he's any different from the white meat who first walked into the joint.]

I was in my twenties. So...I got attention when I didn't want it. Think that was part of the reason why I got beat up so much. Pretty boy needs to take his hits, learn that no one's gonna help him but himself.

[Making him quicker to step toe to to from there.]

I got jumped [that's what he's calling it] in the shower about the first month in. He tried to take a few other goes at me. Didn't go quite as well as the first so.

[Deep inhale before exhaling upward.]

Got into more fights. See then though, if I lost to somebody else then I'd at least have had a chance.

[Feeling restless he stands up to take a quick few steps around.]

My favorite part of the whole damn day would be walking in the yard for just a little bit. I didn't like seeing movies there because shit happens in the dark.

[Speaking of movies there's one playing on the TV right now isn't there? Freddy's not paying attention to it either. 'Jumped' he says. He's heard stories about cops having a go with girls in the backseat or boys in cuffs. It's nothing new, no walls or bars can keep the monsters in or out. That's what prison's supposed to do and it's the job of a cop to run after the bad guys while everyone else is running from them. Sometimes it's not enough and guys like Lawrence Dimick get turned out.]

I'm sorry Larry.

[Why? Not as if Freddy could have done anything about it. When the old man was twenty this kid was five or six years old. He knows he has no real reason to apologize but he feels he should on behalf of the other side of the train tracks his blondie good green grass looks represent.]

I don't want you goin' back there. [Either in his dreams or in the very physical real future.]

[Anything else that wasn't his life looked greener and more promising. Of course Fresno and all it is (and isn't) looks and sounds better to him. Don't go hating him for it, Freddy.]

You're a good man. [For being one, for saying shit like that.] I don't want to go back there, baby. Not for nothing. I'm not the man I was the first two times. Prison takes parts out of you. I don't know how much I could taking losing more.

Hey.

[Freddy has to put his cigarette down to reach out and cup the side of Larry's face. If possible he'll angle the old man to look him in the eye too. There's no ounce of green in these eyes that hates the guy for loving or glamorizing Fresno of all places.]

You're still a whole man to me. [The kid means it but he'll couch it in a little bit of humor too.] I don't go around pickin' up broken parts just cause I like fixing stuff.

[Not that model kits and cars are any good indicators. The funny thing is Freddy feels like a fixer upper himself.]

[With the way he's been treating that Chesterfield it's about gone. Larry puts it down so that he can be in those hands.]

Yeah? [He breathes out a smile only because it is a little funny. It's more than a little nice to see that those eyes aren't judging. Not like they should for a cop.] All I know is that you've done me good.

[Can you say the same old man? Well, can you? About a year here and you're so wrapped up in his freckled skin. He sighs and drops his eyes.

They're missing the movie. Oops.]

[Done him wrong too, trust no bitch.] Well I'm tryin'.

[Freddy says with another small laugh because it's true, he is trying is damned hardest to help Larry through this. Whether it's just listening or giving him a comforting touch, he doesn't know what works best only that he has to keep trying, keep doing. They say repeat offenders are a lost cause, Lawrence Dimick proves that statistic differently.]

[Hands free he pulls that body closer to his.]

Keep on trying. Somethin's working I think.

[Even though his brown eyes are half lidded and tired being near and knowing that waking up so far as brought him right back here has been a relief even if the transition is harsh.]

I wouldn't wanna put you to sleep by boring you.

[The kid quips before somehow crawling, slipping, or just falling into place half in Larry's lap. He's got both hands on the old man's face now, looking into it like the lovely foe he really is.]

Whatever happened to you there don't change a thing by me.

[The thing of it is...Freddy knew Larry'd done time before the guy ever actually told him.]

Don't read me the back of no boxes.

[Cereal or otherwise. Ah. There we go. The old man rests his head on Freddy's shoulder, just a slip away from cheek to cheek and stubble to stubble.]

You sure? [He's asking not because he doubts (he does) but because the list is so long.] I was using there and I did dumb shit to keep at it. [That made him in debt to other inmates in unsavory ways trading food, smokes and his body to what he could get.]

Deal.

[Even though he's put a movie on, a movie neither of them are really watching although the toucan seems captured by it. Sam's watching the screen in his eerie unblinking kind of way, occasionally tilting his head this way then that. It'll be a year soon and here's Freddy Newendyke, kinda sorta in Lawrence Dimick's lap, in their own home with the Ghostbusters on while his buddy the toucan watches. Fucking surreal.]

I'm sure, Larry, I'm not a pussy. [Or a bitch.] I know what I got into with you. [Do you really, Newendyke, do you?] You take care of yourself now and we're right as rain.

[It's his gentle way of saying don't fucking use ever again, unless it's harmless weed. Does that make Freddy a hypocrite? He brushes his thumb along a stubbled jaw.] Nobody's gonna use you again.

[Not just because Freddy won't let them but because Larry's older now, wiser too to some extent, he knows the old man's grown beyond it. Changed because of it, but not a lost cause.]

[Now and then he tilts his head to see what's happening. It's an old classic. One that'll always be at their disposal. In video tape format, no less.]

No man who can take a bullet like you can is a pussy. Got it? [Fingers brush on through his floppy hair. One of the benefits of this fox faced dog is that he can touch up on him without effort. Keeping eyes open at this hour is tough work.]

Clean an' sober. [No matter how hard it is. He's too old for that shit.]

Y'can use me. [He laughs because it's a joke.]

Yeah right.

[He's not being sarcastic but he's not gonna boast about it too. It fucking hurt, that's for sure, and he'd never want to do it again unless absolutely necessary. But Freddy gets the idea, he understands what the old man means. Freddy Newendyke might be a little guy compared to most however Lawrence Dimick knows better, he's seen this little guy in action.]

I'll be fair about it. Don't worry none, I ain't gonna break you.

[It's a joke for a joke but it's genuine too. Tough guy he may be, wildcat on one side and firm heavy fist on the other, tough guys have their weaknesses too. Tonight's an example.]

Even if you do, you can fix me up.

[Eyes turn toward the screen watching, but not too intently. The old man's strength and weakness is this kid. One of the more cutthroat professional rules of the game is to not be close to anybody.

Only crazy pieces of shit like Blonde can do that. Who's to say he wouldn't have gone loco on the Cabots?]

You ever think that Dana Barrett was attractive?

[He tries to stifle a yawn.]

With a cup of coffee and a movie.

[The kid concedes with a smile. Er, wait what? He gives the old man a look which doesn't take much seeing as how he's still halfway in the guy's lap. That means his Roman nose bumps against his chin.]

.....

[Really Lawrence Dimick, really? Well, this calls for a pull-out-all-the-stops remark. He shrugs once.] I don't know, but I'd let Gozer fuck me.

[It's not in bad taste to make a joke like that after learning more of what Larry's been through, right? He's stronger than that too.]

That's the ticket, doc.

[Bump and another bump as he tries to pull back and look too.]

You're a real piece of work. [That he can say with a smile. Can't really rape the willing they say...] She's a hot piece. Probably got a dick up in there too. [He'll even breathe this casually as he gets more comfortable again.]

[Freddy's been pretty ready and willing since the day he met Mr. White, albeit with some trepidation until Black Magic Woman came along.]

I don't doubt it. I was eighteen when this came out and I had a hard time figuring why Gozer was giving me a bigger hard on than the girl I was watching it with. You know, other than hiding a hard on herself. Gozer, not the girl.

[This may or may not be an exaggeration of what really happened on that date.]

Gozer's got balls that's for sure.

[Which can mean that the kid likes a woman with balls or... he likes balls and the appearance of them on a woman makes the woman more appealing.]

Eighteen. [He whistles softly. That whole teenager, boy.] Nice that you got to go to the movies though.

[And not be running the streets or bouncing in and out of good favors with a Maggie May.]

[Let's not get into any specifics that may or may not run the risk of Freddy having to endure another round of love-hate-women. Because seriously, he doesn't hate them...how could this green eyed kid hate anyone but scumbags?]

You got to go to the movies. ['Pictures' he calls them, right? But on that thought he can't recall going to see a movie in an actual theater with Larry.] Wanna go to a movie sometime?

[Yeah, it sounds like he's asking Larry out on a date. It's supposed to.]

[The man likes what the man likes. Thank God that it's Larry Dimick. It's his turn to pull back and tilt his head to one side.]

Well sure, what kind of a movie would you wanna see?

[A date. Dressing up a little, maybe holding hands in the dark.]

An action flick? Maybe we could find a picture show that plays grindhouse shit.

[Even if the old man walks out with gum on his shoe it'd be the best ever. Thinking on that is a beacon.]

I'd love to go to the movies with you.

I don't know, we gotta see what's out. A western, some sci-fi, grindhouse, I'm up for anything. Dinosaurs would be a big draw.

[Note the lack of romance in these options not that Freddy's against a romantic film either. He knows how Lawrence Dimick can be and it doesn't bother him one bit.]

Cool, so it's a date. [He turns a little to better face Larry head on, straddling that lap now. Whoops is he blocking the view or making it better?]

All those sound pretty great to me.

[Oh the view is better. Much better. No Gozer in sight. Just a chin, lips and a stately, beaky nose.]

Should I dress nice?

[The words are lazy probably because he's about half way to dragging his mouth along the kid's jaw. He's fighting the sleep. Now would be a lousy time to doze off. He can smell the soap on Freddy's skin.]

You should dress how you wanna dress orrrr you can dress for the movie. Maybe we'll have to call it a double date.

[An outing with the other actors featured in the flick. He sets his hands on Larry's shoulders, rubbing them idly. They're close enough to smell nicotine and caffeine among other things.]

How do you want me to dress? [Not that it's a guarantee the kid's gonna listen.]

log post II

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