orangetoughguy | log post II

Most of it is great right? All sunny and warm. Even without the beach.

[So he assumes.]

Woah, though you went to college. They gotta be happy you went to some of it. [Says the kid who's having a hell of a time trying to get through high school. Larry taps ash off to one side.]

Girls aren't easy. Sounds like they expect too much.

Sure if you're by the coast. Fresno's about five hours from the nearest beach and that's if you've got a car to take on the highway.

[He should show Larry his motorcycle. There's something oddly satisfying about impressing this teenager. Back to the college thing though.] Nobody gets far saying you did only two years in college, worse if you quit. [Enough of that though.] You're tellin' me, don't get me started on California girls. All those songs got it way fuckin' wrong.

[The kid's smiling again.] What about you? Got any girlfriend?

[Because Freddy knows the routine real well at that age. You can fancy sucking cock but the way things are dictates you still keep a lady on one arm. That's just how it is.]

I never thought about how long it would take from my place to the beach. Five hours...[He whistles briefly at the thought.] That'd be best as a day trip.

[The motorcycle would undoubtedly make the kid flip. The very best he can hope for as far as wheels go will be a used clunker. Hard time getting the ladies in that.] Worse? Heck, I dunno if I'm gonna start. School's tough. Girls are easy by comparison. At least with them there's a chance of things getting better.

Not right now. [A grin creeps onto Larry's face.] Not yet. Won't be long now though. She's comin' around. [It's a relief to hear Freddy ask. More and more it's easy to loosen up even though he keeps reminding himself to be smart, be cautious.]

Unless she gets knocked up. [He adds as an offhand remark because in Freddy's opinion it's funny. No he doesn't hate women okay? Okay.] Oh yeah? So what number is she gonna be? Five? Ten?

[Guys brag about the amount of pussy they've had like it's second nature, right? Even the ones who like cock. At least that's Freddy's line of thinking. He'll be damned if Larry proves him wrong, especially at this age.]

So far so good. [Meaning that he's not guilty of getting a girl in trouble...that he knows of. Or something.] She's gonna be number seven.

[He doesn't brush his shoulder off but he does look pretty fucking proud of himself there.]

Black hair and big blue eyes, her name is Maureen. She got legs that go for forever.

[In case Freddy's having a hard time picturing it he makes a curve in the air that's meant to be her profile.]

How about you? You have a lady?

Seven? Shit man.

[He may as well leave the table, Larry's got him beat even though there was never any doubt in this kid's mind. When Freddy was that young he had one, maybe two, girlfriends. He wouldn't count the first one either because she was a damn shrew for her age. Er, anyway, Freddy's still seated at the table, just feeling mildly defeated. The women he bedded in college and after that though far exceeded seven...of course Larry likely surpassed him at that age too. Sigh. Wait is this teenager even telling him the truth?? Fff.]

I think I got the idea. [He laughs over those (large) paws making Maureen's silhouette. Larry must have a thing for women with the letter M.] Naw, I don't have a lady but I get by just fine without one.

[That probably doesn't come out the way he means for it to come out.]

Longest was a year and a half? Two years? Something like that.

[Casual, like it's nothing. Like his frequent moving locations and own personal problems didn't have anything to do with it.]

Anyway, wish I had a picture, I think one day she'll be like those pictures in your apartment. [The pin ups he spent some time looking at, sweating under the collar. Though he takes Freddy's answer in stride, the implications are there though.] ...so no ladies? [Honest question, one asked in a low voice, he even leans in because he wants to know.]

That's a long time for a kid. [A nod of approval.] You like those pictures huh?

[Freddy smirks at the irony in a younger Lawrence Dimick fawning over the art the older Lawrence Dimick put up. Er, say what? Green eyes go a little wider at the way Larry looks at him, asking him that question, giving him this knowing look. Shit man his cheeks are flushing a soft coral red.]

No, not right now. [The supercool tough guy has to avert his gaze.] It's kinda complicated.

Yeah. It's like some kinda magazine or car garage...something.

[Like is putting it lightly. Talking like this, like good ol' boys. Life friends and they've only known one another for a day.

Oh, is this kind of a question not one you ask?]

...That some kind of a nerve?

[Larry clears his throat, his own face is feeling heated. That was a risqué question now that he thinks about it. Fuck they were sleeping together weren't they? And he saw his cock. He focuses on is cigarette.]

[Oh he hit a nerve but not in the way he might be thinking. After all, Freddy's seen his dick, touched it, sucked it, gotten fucked by it, just not in this thinner bear form. He's still a pretty impressive size for his age, shit Freddy envied guys like Larry when he was seventeen. He wanted them to notice him too.]

You wanna go for a walk?

[The dirty blonde guy offers instead of answering the question.]

[Fuck. Now he's thinking about it. What's a guy like Freddy do? He can't mess with school kids all the time. There's probably a group of em or something right? Larry tries to piece together that public service announcement for the better in his head. Except that's got him thinking about the locker room. Oh man. It's like a curse or something.]

Walk? Sure.

[Those can clear a person's head. Larry exhales his smoke through his nose.]

Okay.

[What's a guy like Freddy do? Repress repress repress. That was until Lawrence Dimick came along. Aw hell that kid wouldn't even know who Santana is, he has no idea how he was the first to take this kid's ass. Fuck now Freddy's thinking about it, is this Lawrence Dimick cherry? How is this any different from thirty-something year old White bending a teenage Orange over the back of his car? Stop thinking about it, Newendyke, you horny son of a bitch.]

I'm not ashamed of it or anything. [Puff puff, he's flicking ash to the side.] Some people can't understand it, that's all.

[He's talking about not having a lady, yeeeep... And they're walking along.]

[On his feet and waiting, because Freddy was the one who was suggesting the walk. How come he's taking to be the follower so easy? Dimick, you're gonna get it and no one is gonna feel sorry for you. But what's there to worry about with a guy like Freddy who doesn't jump him even when Larry's about wearing nothing. Freddy bought him a meal which is more than what he can say for other brief encounters. Why so shy now? He swallows and tries to not think on things that'll get his lose pants fitting even worse.]

You don't feel like you were made wrong or anything?

What?

[Oh. Right. Larry's a bright motherfucker, of course he is. Freddy had no doubt, it's him who's trying to play dumb. Sometimes he wonders how someone as smart and slick as Lawrence Dimick ever wound up in the system and doing what he does best; rob people with a smile. Anyway the charming teen's got you now, Newendyke, don't play dumb.]

No. I used to, when I was younger I let guys push me around. [Knowing what he does about Larry's feelings on the church he'll steer clear of 'God's plan.'] Then I met some nice guys. [Like you.] When I'm with them it feels right.

[He keeps his voice down even though they're the only ones walking on this side of the street. Shit he thinks he sounds like an afterschool special but fuck what Freddy would have given to have someone to talk to when he was that age. Hell he still needs someone to talk to at this age and funny how it always seems to turn out to be Larry in some shape or form.]

[Brown eyes blink and look his way. He's focusing, clinging on Freddy's every word because he's never heard anybody talk about...that kind of thing in a positive kind of light. For him it's always been something felt emotionally or physically as if growing up wasn't hard enough with all the changes he's gone through. It feels like he's gotta adapt more than other kids. No time for crying, just growing and being an adult and hoping everything will make sense eventually.

Even though he's not too much older Freddy sounds like he's got it together. Though that rightness could be what he's feeling. ...maybe.]

So it isn't just you. I mean...there are a few. Others. And it's okay.

[Snort. Look he doesn't mean to snort, he's been there, but Larry's lack of awareness is endearing to Freddy. Again not only are they years apart, this Dimick kid was born in 1950, somewhat a far cry from 1965. It may be only 15 years but in terms of social revolution it's a big change. Damn, the Larry he knows lived through that.]

Are you kidding me? They got cities where it's okay like San Francisco and Miami. I mean they got people who won't think twice about bustin' your jaw too but everyone else is gonna treat you like family.

[Glamorizing it much, Newendyke? There's a lot of bad in those cities too and he won't even get started on AIDS, but where's the harm in giving a cursed Lawrence Dimick some glimmer of hope? It's not like he's changing the course of Larry's future. Oh fuck he hopes that's not the case.]

Cities?

[Like this one he wants to ask but already there's more to it to mull over. It's a bright, rosy world out there. And he didn't add Miami to his list.]

I didn't know. I mean, only a few people know about that part of me. ...I'm used to getting busted for other reasons.

[Larry tosses away the end of his Chesterfield but rubs his lips in thought.]

A few?

[Freddy's trying to remember what stories about his youth Larry's told him. There was the boxing ring or the guy he wanted to room with, the guy he met in prison. None of these he recalls as being from Dimick's teen years.]

You trust'em with that? [The implication being I didn't have anybody.]

This one guy we uh--[fuck, be mature. Talk about it. Now is the time to talk about it.] We were in the locker room. I must have been looking too long or something. He knew. [There's more to the story, he's too embarrassed to say though his face is getting flushed he presses on...] He wanted some action. But after that we came to an understanding, keeping to ourselves and mouths shut deal.

[Fewer details but the indignity of it still burns.]

I have to trust him or else he'll tell everybody. Then I'm really fucked. There's one friend of mine, he knows but...he don't ask. I think it makes him uncomfortable. Can't tell him shit. I know he wouldn't squeal on me though. That's all though. Ain't nobody who I can talk to.

[Not like this, not right now. Both hands in his pockets he's trying to keep from leaning or walking too close to this cool guy Freddy.]

[Freddy's brow furrows and already he wants to know the name of the little fucker so he can pummel the shit out of his face right into a locker. Not that more violence is the answer to violence or anything, but this kid learned pretty early sometimes you do have to resort to your fists. Funny though how resorting to his fists somehow led him to that opportunity under the bleachers. Win some lose some.]

Did he do something to you? He can't threaten you if he's done you wrong, kid. [He has to stop and look at Larry. This part of the street isn't busy, it's private in public enough to afford this conversation. Freddy swallows.] You can talk to me.

[Vice or SVU all over again.]

Can't threaten me? Sure he can. I jerked him off and he liked it. Then see, he shoved me off when he was done like some kinda switch was flipped. Started talking like I was some freak, he'd tell his cronies and then they'd turn me into mystery meat. I don't need that.

[He huffs in a sigh because it's wonderful to have someone just listen except what can be done about that? A lot of nothing.]

I don't get beat at this school. That's not a problem. I'm okay at the Kleins too now.

[Larry looks at his shoes.]

I used to get my ass handed to me at my last--the last home. I dunno if they saw I was funny on the inside or what. I was careful though, see? I didn't touch any guy or-or what.

[It's all coming out wrong, convoluted as shit. Come on, Larry. Someone's really listening. Shouldn't you say something worth hearing? He swallows because he's been trying to be heard but too fucking scared of what'll be the next step, the next home.]

The last man who tried to call himself my father would beat me if I did anything he thought was wrong. Talk to boys or talk to girls....

Like his cronies are gonna believe you held him down and made him like it.

[That's not what you learned, Newendyke, don't fill the kid with pipe dreams. But why not? Larry's not really a teenager anymore, how is one day gonna hurt? The fucker who hurt him's not gonna swing by anytime soon, right? Tomorrow he'll have his old Larry back and that tough guy can rip a shithead like this locker room douchebag in two.]

Hey. Hey look at me. [Fortunately Freddy's short enough to step closer and tilt his head up at warm browns from caramel greens.] You can tell me anything you want, okay? Even if it's hard shit to handle or somethin' that scares you, cause if you know it and I know it then you got safety in numbers, okay?

[This usually works a lot better (or a lot worse) when he's got his badge on him. People at least believe the safety part when there's a gun on his hip and police cruisers he can call up at the drop of a hat.]

Look I dunno. I don't want anyone else to know. It's not their right. It was a bad idea.

[Though how would it go over if it got out? Freddy could be right. It might be in his favor. How do you force a guy off? Except that's not the issue that takes the foreground. Larry's heart feels like it's sinking. He told someone. And he wasn't supposed to tell. Every time it's a matter of keeping his mouth shut. Here looking into those green and caramel colored eyes makes him feel like there's a lifeline being thrown out.]

A lotta bad stuff's happened to me, Freddy. Half the time no one believes it so I stopped telling. Feeling like nobody's there...that scares me. I went to school with a black eye or a broken hand and I had to act like nothin' happened out of the ordinary.

[Is it a bad idea that he's setting a hand on one of those broad shoulders? He's not quite the big old bear he knows and loves but this Larry is still big and handsome for his age. Freddy on the other hand...well he'll get to that.]

I believe you, Larry. [The kid says quietly, looking him right in the eye.] And I'm not gonna tell anybody if you don't want me to, I promise. You can tell me anything and unless you want otherwise it's gonna be our secret, just between us guys. Okay?

[About now he's so wrapped up in everything, in knowing that it is okay to talk, and how it feels to start talking, anything Freddy does would be fine. He's not gonna get hurt. Somehow even on the street in a City he knows nothing about with a man he feels like he still just met, Larry Dimick feels safe.]

...I don't want no one else to know. Please.

[He swallows and feels ashamed of the way his eyes are starting to blur. Don't fuckin' dare, Dimick. Talking is enough. Don't need to cry on nobody's shoulder.]

I dunno why but I kept fighting back thinking one of those times I'd get away or beat 'im. He said he was making me tough cuz he said the other houses I'd been to made me soft. Except [he's not sniffing he's just rubbing his nose with the back of his hand as he looks away from those calming, steady eyes] I had to learn to be quiet an' sew with the home before. A lady and her two bitches who were in pageants. They got everything.

[It sounds so fucking dumb. He shrugs and blinks.] I'm never what anyone's lookin' for, I gotta fit someone elses idea. That's why I don't have a forever home.

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