orangetoughguy | log post II

[Freddy's brow furrows and already he wants to know the name of the little fucker so he can pummel the shit out of his face right into a locker. Not that more violence is the answer to violence or anything, but this kid learned pretty early sometimes you do have to resort to your fists. Funny though how resorting to his fists somehow led him to that opportunity under the bleachers. Win some lose some.]

Did he do something to you? He can't threaten you if he's done you wrong, kid. [He has to stop and look at Larry. This part of the street isn't busy, it's private in public enough to afford this conversation. Freddy swallows.] You can talk to me.

[Vice or SVU all over again.]

Can't threaten me? Sure he can. I jerked him off and he liked it. Then see, he shoved me off when he was done like some kinda switch was flipped. Started talking like I was some freak, he'd tell his cronies and then they'd turn me into mystery meat. I don't need that.

[He huffs in a sigh because it's wonderful to have someone just listen except what can be done about that? A lot of nothing.]

I don't get beat at this school. That's not a problem. I'm okay at the Kleins too now.

[Larry looks at his shoes.]

I used to get my ass handed to me at my last--the last home. I dunno if they saw I was funny on the inside or what. I was careful though, see? I didn't touch any guy or-or what.

[It's all coming out wrong, convoluted as shit. Come on, Larry. Someone's really listening. Shouldn't you say something worth hearing? He swallows because he's been trying to be heard but too fucking scared of what'll be the next step, the next home.]

The last man who tried to call himself my father would beat me if I did anything he thought was wrong. Talk to boys or talk to girls....

Like his cronies are gonna believe you held him down and made him like it.

[That's not what you learned, Newendyke, don't fill the kid with pipe dreams. But why not? Larry's not really a teenager anymore, how is one day gonna hurt? The fucker who hurt him's not gonna swing by anytime soon, right? Tomorrow he'll have his old Larry back and that tough guy can rip a shithead like this locker room douchebag in two.]

Hey. Hey look at me. [Fortunately Freddy's short enough to step closer and tilt his head up at warm browns from caramel greens.] You can tell me anything you want, okay? Even if it's hard shit to handle or somethin' that scares you, cause if you know it and I know it then you got safety in numbers, okay?

[This usually works a lot better (or a lot worse) when he's got his badge on him. People at least believe the safety part when there's a gun on his hip and police cruisers he can call up at the drop of a hat.]

Look I dunno. I don't want anyone else to know. It's not their right. It was a bad idea.

[Though how would it go over if it got out? Freddy could be right. It might be in his favor. How do you force a guy off? Except that's not the issue that takes the foreground. Larry's heart feels like it's sinking. He told someone. And he wasn't supposed to tell. Every time it's a matter of keeping his mouth shut. Here looking into those green and caramel colored eyes makes him feel like there's a lifeline being thrown out.]

A lotta bad stuff's happened to me, Freddy. Half the time no one believes it so I stopped telling. Feeling like nobody's there...that scares me. I went to school with a black eye or a broken hand and I had to act like nothin' happened out of the ordinary.

[Is it a bad idea that he's setting a hand on one of those broad shoulders? He's not quite the big old bear he knows and loves but this Larry is still big and handsome for his age. Freddy on the other hand...well he'll get to that.]

I believe you, Larry. [The kid says quietly, looking him right in the eye.] And I'm not gonna tell anybody if you don't want me to, I promise. You can tell me anything and unless you want otherwise it's gonna be our secret, just between us guys. Okay?

[About now he's so wrapped up in everything, in knowing that it is okay to talk, and how it feels to start talking, anything Freddy does would be fine. He's not gonna get hurt. Somehow even on the street in a City he knows nothing about with a man he feels like he still just met, Larry Dimick feels safe.]

...I don't want no one else to know. Please.

[He swallows and feels ashamed of the way his eyes are starting to blur. Don't fuckin' dare, Dimick. Talking is enough. Don't need to cry on nobody's shoulder.]

I dunno why but I kept fighting back thinking one of those times I'd get away or beat 'im. He said he was making me tough cuz he said the other houses I'd been to made me soft. Except [he's not sniffing he's just rubbing his nose with the back of his hand as he looks away from those calming, steady eyes] I had to learn to be quiet an' sew with the home before. A lady and her two bitches who were in pageants. They got everything.

[It sounds so fucking dumb. He shrugs and blinks.] I'm never what anyone's lookin' for, I gotta fit someone elses idea. That's why I don't have a forever home.

[His tone is firm and gentle all at once by voice and a squeeze to Larry's shoulder.] No one else is gonna know.

[All of this sounds so fucking foreign to Freddy Newendyke, Freddy who has a forever home even though sometimes he doesn't feel completely welcome in it. But he's never been turned out of it and if he came crawling back in the rain with nothing to his name he knows he'd have a place to sleep there. It really makes a guy think.]

Hey it's one hell of a slow search but the roof with your name's just waitin' for you to find it, Larry. The planet's got five and a half billion people on it, maybe it's gonna take a little while but when you find your place, when you know you're home, it's gonna be fuckin' worth it, man.

[He won't tell the other guy he picked that up from The Fantastic Four. It would ruin his supercool mentor approach...or would it?]

[Like a magnet he's right back to looking Freddy in the eye even though his own don't look as cool, calm and collected as he'd like em to be.]

Swear, Freddy. Swear you'll never tell no one.

[Because then everyone'll know what a fraud he is. Larry "Dimmy" Dimick is yellow as piss, scared of what tomorrow is going to have because yesterday was in the toilet]

...you-you think so?

[Freddy is so damn cool, so...grown up. He swallows thickly.]

I swear. [He nods before putting on a smile. At the same time his hand on the shoulder becomes an arm across the shoulders.]

Totally. And you got a lot of years in you, real great years. Hell you're big, strong, not bad looking, and you're not stupid. You're gonna be something to someone, Larry.

[Is that a little self-serving for Freddy to say?]

[Larry can hear the voice of what calls itself reason telling him to shove off because it doesn't look too right to be palling around with some man like Freddy, that two grown men like this is not proper. This is not his own voice. And he ignores leaning in a little to that touch and arm across his shoulders, wanting to hold this man, be held so much it almost hurts.]

I wanna be something to somebody, Freddy. The best I can. I just-I dunno how. I feel like nobody's gonna teach me and I gotta find out all on my own.

[He's mouth droops at the corners with his sentiment but there's underlining steel to his words filled with the want, the need to be a tough guy.]

Hey man you'll get it. I can't tell you when cause hell look at me. [A little self-deprecation there but in good humor, what is Freddy Newendyke now if not a helping something to this young somebody?] But I think you're gonna get it. Besides, I bet you're a fast learner.

[That's not meant to be anything more than a compliment, really. And his arm is still on him.]

What about you? [He rubs under his nose with the back of his hand. Just a sniffle okay? Nothing more. Freddy looks like a great guy, he's living in a great apartment, he does whatever he wants with or without ladies.]

I dunno. Sometimes I just dunno.

[This kid bear doesn't know how to take that compliment. The arm on him though, oh boy.]

Thanks I mean--[no that's exactly what he means] Thanks... [For those words, for this moment, for the tacos. He can't ask for anything else. Larry looks at those eyes again, that nose, his lips woah, woah back up again.]

I got lucky but I'm still learning.

[Weird to say that to Larry of all people, seeing as how that's who Freddy considers his stroke of luck and his best learning experience.]

Don't sweat it. I would've given anything to.... [Is Larry looking at him funny? Oh fuck here come those thoughts again.]

I could use some luck.

[Be lucky. Get lucky. Now it's a sparring match on the inside. He's trying not to be giving funny looks, honest. It keeps happening. And they're in public. Fuck. And he stopped talking Larry stiffens with that arm over him. Should he go? Should he stay? He swallows.]

To-?

[Larry's face feels like a traffic light, burning and red. Slowly he licks his lips and damns everything but the words that come out of his mouth and all the impulse and want behind it] Can we go back to your place?

Okay.

[Oh that was way way way too easy, Newendyke. You cradle robber. Of course it doesn't seem so bad when the kid's bigger than he is but the way his expression settles it's obvious who's the adult here. And damn is that a lovely face he has. Freddy's already close to getting hard thinking about it on his dick. Oh fuck.]

Follow me.

[The arm drops from his shoulders only to settle his hand at the small of Larry's back, guiding him. They're just going back to his place, that's all. That's all. Being at least 20 years younger Larry can probably go for several rounds can't he? Oh fuck.]

[Nodding makes his head feel like it's swimming. Fucking hell, Dimmy you really asked that. May as well put a sign on your forehead saying how easy you are. Except it's a question, that's it. And it can be interpreted different ways... though he wants it to be just one way. Larry knows about girls, how they work and think. The game can't possibly transfer the same way...can it?]

Okay.

[Redundant but saying something makes him feel like autonomous. For a moment he worries about not feeling the arm around his shoulders but the touch of his back, however light and purposeful causes more of a stir than it should. What is he doing? This man's at least what? Ten to fifteen years older than him? Larry doesn't even know, and he's finding out that he doesn't care. With each step he's getting more wound up in his young skin. He could go for two rounds, sometimes more like this. It's normal, right now Dimick doesn't even think anything of it.]

....Do you have more friends like me?

[Ten years. Ten years. Please never suggest fifteen years. For the love of all that's good don't suggest fifteen years. Not that being older is a problem for Freddy Newendyke, the older Dimick oughta know that. Just...yeah, ten years.]

A few. Some of'em are real proud about it too. But they're from different places, where it's easier for'em to be them, you know? People like us we don't have that luxury yet. You might wanna keep your name too. [What he means by keep Freddy gestures with his other hand, the 'hush' gesture. A secret. He knows the older Larry will appreciate that.] ...None of'em look anything like you.

[That's a compliment, kid. A compliment bordering the lascivious but what can Freddy say? This is Lawrence Dimick after all, and they're already fucking, so...]

[When you're seventeen everyone is older and twenty seven may be thirty. He's about ready to believe almost anything Freddy says. Trust has been solidified. He heard those skeletons in his closet without any passed judgment other than that Larry could be somebody anyway. Freshly paved trust makes it easier to resign himself to the fact that he wants more of this man and wants to give him more.]

Mum's the word. [Hush, hush like. He can do that. Following Freddy's lead he doesn't realize how small the City is topside. Maybe he liked the taco stand so much he wanted to be close to it?]

None of em?

[Larry finds it hard to believe even though it makes him feel like a fucking champ to hear. Nevermind that this fucking champ has not had all the rosy shades leave his face talking like this.]

None of'em. You're taller for one.

[Nevermind how the amount of people taller than Freddy happens to exceed a dozen, just out of that dozen he knows like only one to be a cocksucker too.]

And you're funnier. [Which is very different from funny looking.] You're honest. You're sweet.

[I could eat you right up. He could be projecting all the things he wishes someone would have told him at that age...or maybe he's just remembering last week with the older Lawrence Dimick.]

[Taller? Is he that big? For the longest time he was just stout then that growth spurt. All the talk though that this man is giving him, it makes him feel light, small. This cool man Freddy saying shit like this. It makes him want to have a piece of him and give up all those things he wants.]

I'm not always so sweet or good...

[He combs a hand through his own hair.]

You make me wanna stay that way.

[There's that building, and through the door they go. Larry feels like his heart is pounding.]

Nobody's always so sweet or so good, shit would get boring. [Not that he's implying anything about the perks of getting down and dirty.] Not everybody's eating meat just to have their pudding either.

[Er, the kid probably won't get the reference but hey it sounds cool and if Larry chalks it up to Freddy being unique well he's not gonna argue. Here they are back at the building. Hands off the taller teen, he uses his elbow to get the elevator moving.]

I wouldn't say no to making you stay with me. [A pause.] I mean until you find the right place. [Or does he mean that?]

[What's that even mean? All Larry knows it that it sounds so fucking cool.]

Meat and pudding are pretty different.

[That album didn't even exist to the bear of a kid and it won't for another thirteen years. Brown eyes are on Freddy even with the change of scenery.]

Thank you. I think I'd like to stay with you. However long.

[The elevator chimes. The kid expects a crowd to step out. Huh. Not a soul. He holds a hand out to keep the door from shutting. Just being polite since Freddy's lead the way.]

I can be handy around the house until I got a job.

[Now he doesn't seem so shy about any other alternative. No way to hide how he's looking at the other man. No reason to.]

[Good then Larry can think Freddy came up with it all on his own. Stepping into an empty elevator he doesn't actually respond until the doors are shut.]

That sounds fair.

[Green eyes are looking right back. Up and down. Jesus Newendyke are you some kind of creep? But it's Larry for fuck's sake, a young still handsome still just as sharp Lawrence Dimick. He's beautiful even without his wildcat tattoo. Freddy steps forward, close enough to breathe on the other kid.]

You can always say no... [He gives a slight nod that serves as a gesture and a way for him to brush his lips against Larry. He's so fucking beautiful.]

[He can't help it, his hand skims across Freddy's waist before coming to his side until the doors shut. Larry can't stay far. There's a magnetism between them now or since all those reservations are out of his head there's no room for any brains.

Doors whisk shut. That breath makes him start to get hard.

Oh fuck. The brush of his mouth it's sweet and from the first touch very masculine.]

Why [his voice feels like it's going to crack] would I do that?

[Both paws rest on Freddy's chest and returns a kiss with more pressure. He means it.]

[Upon the second kiss he detects a slight difference in flavor. It's the same brand of Lawrence Dimick he's come to know and love but not quite as aged. There's something cooler to this, something still exploratory. The aged flavor is better in his opinion, only because the aged flavor is the one that sticks, the one that shelter's him, but this is beautiful too. This needs caring.]

I don't know. But I want you to know you can.

[Freddy means it, he really does, except maybe the weight of his sincerity is lost in a third kiss the comes with both arms attempting to push Larry into the elevator wall. Oh is that a ding? It's like a chime letting the kid know he's about to reserve himself a place in hell. If just for a day.]

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