orangetoughguy | log post II

Yeah. I do. She says it's too expensive and a waste when we could do it ourselves.

[And she is reiterating it after the fact. Larry keeps facing Freddy like looking at him alone will make everything else fall away. It's true he can't see his mother's disapproving face for a few moments until she moves close behind the kid.]

She says you got a good chance since yo'll actually...you know do something about being Catholic. Implying that you're still on the wrong track though. Not quite her wording.

[Larry swallows.]

Ma's tellin' me that all this shit is coming out because she loves me.

[His laugh is so hallow one part because of how much she seethes at more swearing but also because he can't believe this is happening.]

Do somethin'? Somethin' like what? Go to confession? The priest doesn't need to fuckin' know, God does and I'm still right here.

[Freddy says, maybe with more intensity than he means to give as green eyes seek out to lock with brown ones. Sure he sough punishment for what happened to Sam but endangering an innocent toucan is something completely different from this which endangers no one and only makes them happy, no matter how many times Freddy might fuck something up in an effort to keep their happiness. Killing an innocent person for Larry, doing that when he didn't have to? Doing it without remorse? That's being on the wrong track.]

...I'm sorry, man.

[Wow what a dumb sounding thing to say, but the kid doesn't know where to stand on that. She's his mother, Freddy thinks Larry still loves her too, and that only makes going against her wishes worse. He's still holding onto that firm jaw too.]

[Oh dear. Lawrence, he is going about it all wrong. You need to set him straight. God knows but he needs to be forgiven by the priest who will directly show him how to properly please Him. And it keeps on going. He doesn't relay this. It's not worth it. In the old man's eyes Freddy's not yet damned. As far as dirty rotten things go his list is short, far shorter than Larry's how the fuck is he supposed to even begin to say what is right. The kid didn't gun down cops. The kid didn't shoot up about a month of pay into his veins or snort it up his nose.]

Sure am glad you're here, kid.

[After all these things he's done. They can be sinners together.]

I was gonna try and get you to go out today but...I'm glad it didn't turn out like that.

[Those hands on him, those green eyes are weaving a spell of support like any worthy wizard worth his salt.]

I always thought that if I'd ever see her again---[Son, darling. I love you. I want what's best for you.] I'm not a kid anymore. She wasn't fucking there. S'not my fault. [He'll say this to Freddy and to the elephant of a lady in the room.]

[Maybe he didn't do all those things but he's still willing to entertain the idea of running off together, saying fuck it all to LA and head for Mexico. That still doesn't include killing cops or snorting drugs but it does include turning away from his family, from his own mom too. She's nothing like Larry's as far as he knows. Could he do it?

Yes, only if he can call in from time to time. How selfish is your ass, Newendyke.]

We can go somewhere or we don't gotta go nowhere.

[He says this to Lawrence as some reassurance, whatever it is the old man wants, the kid is gonna do if it's for his sake. That is unless he wants to throw Freddy out to deal with his mom on his own. He might not accept that. How hypocritical is your ass, Newendyke.]

You always thought what? Tell me. [Keep talking to me, keep remembering she's peripheral and I'm real.]

[Running away together to anywhere but here is something he wants to do all the time. Even if they're in the City going to dinner or cruising. If Freddy said that he wanted to go someplace else if...when they get back home, the old man would make it happen in a heartbeat. Does that make him selfish? Greedy? The kid has much more to lose. Larry has only possessions if he can carry them with him.]

I'm starvin'. ....eating out gets so expensive though.

[Those aren't his words. No shit.]

I always thought she'd apologize you know? Tells me that she's sorry that she went away, that she missed me. That somehow she'd been trying to look out for me the whole time like some guardian angel. [Though would that still qualify as some belief in God?] After you have so many parents and shit... you kinda get delusional, forget how things really are. I mean. Believe me, she's not always like this.

[Oh yeah, that definitely can't be Lawrence Dimick. Knowing the woman died while Larry was still a boy it occurs to him this phantom can't be her because she wouldn't know all these details about his life now. The man's in middle age, a far cry from boyhood. Is she real? A ghost? Or is this a cruel city trick? Freddy isn't sure what to make of it and that's why he tries to handle this situation with kid gloves.]

Lemme throw a plate together for you.

[Oh shit Mr. White do you really want this guy to cook for you? Don't mistake it for Freddy Newendyke trying to impress his mom either, it's just better than having to endure her presence with other people around. Okay maybe a little showing-her-what-he's-made-of is involved too. When Larry says those last words the kid's expression softens a little. Hand moves from face to shoulder again, squeezing firm.]

I believe you, Larry.

[Just like how his dad's not always a grudge-holding asshole.]

[Freddy? Cooking? He's touched that the kid is even gonna give it a go. ...what on earth would it yield? If the kitchen suffered some kind of disaster would Ma Dimick turn tail in terror?]

I'd appreciate it.

[Manners, manners. Now that the foxy wizard has some kinda control of the situation the bearog will follow him to his work space at the kitchen or wherever. As long as he's not alone with the woman.]

[He's gonna try, the operative word here is try. He's pleased Larry's willing to let him try too even though at this point it seems like the old man doesn't have too many choices. Up and at'em in the kitchen Freddy starts going through the fridge and shelves and things. He's gonna see what they have first then throw some ideas around.]

Spaghettios and rice? Spaghettios sandwich? Spaghettios out of the can?

[Plunk, he sets a can down on the counter. Is it possible to scramble some eggs with it or make a spaghettio omelete?]

...Are you gonna heat it?

[Brown eyes look from the can to the man and back again. Bless his heart, he's trying. You can make toast, can't you Lawrence? Larry makes himself comfortable on one of the seats closer to the kitchen action.]

[Freddy stares at Larry like he's trying to decide if he's the one saying it or if Ma Dimick is the one saying it or maybe for once mother and son are in agreement over this inquiry.]

....Yeah. [GOSH.]

Okay. Okay.

[No he's not gonna press beyond that. The fact that it's gonna be warmed up is enough for this tough guy.]

Know what? Surprise me. I'll have whatever you can dish out.

[That's not no metaphor. Thank you. Say thank you. Goodness what did you do without me? Sigh. Larry pats his pockets for a cigarette. You shouldn't smoke so much! That can be expensive.]

Heh.

You got it.

[That brings a little smile back to his face only because this gives Freddy Newendyke the greenlight to be creative with some of the simplest things available. A can of spaghettios, some eggs, rice it looks like, uh bread? He'll think of something. Instinct though tells him she's still adding commentary. Whether or not she's as real as Larry feels she is, his curiosity gets the better of him.]

What's she sayin'?

Smoking is expensive. [And I'm right!] No one's saying you're wrong, I make good money. So does he.

[Freddy gets an up nod. Uh oh. Now he's got a whole new talk starting about living together, common law business, the message that people get.]

....And that we're having some kind of talk about propriety. Our neighbors think we're deviants. Living in sin.

[Chesterfield can be smoked now.]

Sheesh.

Edited 2011-05-09 07:06 (UTC)

Kinda.

[Because Marlboros are a little cheaper than Chesterfields. That's just the truth. He won't make a verbal note on how certain people in this room seem to share a certain affinity for certain best things but he's definitely making note of it. It's kind of sweet. Maybe talking about it, including her presence in their conversations, helps to ease Lawrence Dimick's own conscience which could very well be an influence on her words. Who knows. But it's not as bad as the stoic wreck he saw in the bathroom. Oh look, they have cheese. The eggs are out for the mozzarella.]

The girl across the hall seems pretty on the level if you ignore that she's bulimic.

[Aw Newendyke that's not very nice now is it? Meanwhile he pops that can open to put the contents into a microwaveable tray.]

[Between the two of them though they go through more then their fair share on a normal basis.]

She's a what?

[Yeah it is news to him. That poor thing is sick. No one should ignore her!]

I didn't know that.

[Inhale. Exhale.]

Ma, that means that she's got this thing where she thinks she's fat but she's not.

[This bear's stomach is growling.]

[Sprinkling some cheese on.]

A bulimic. I've seen her take her trash out.

[There's a shake of his head. Also there's just a look and carriage to her that says she's thin because of an eating problem instead of a coke one. Larry'd recognize the latter pretty easily so because he hasn't brought it up surely it's got to be the former. Not that Freddy is one for gossip or anything, she very well could have a couple ideas of her own about them. Live and let live. In the tray goes, heating for a couple minutes.

Waiting for the microwave the kid thinks to ask the old man what his mother looks like again but he reconsiders on further thought. What if she looks and is dressed the way he remembers her at the funeral or the night before she died? What did she die of anyway? Was it violent and the old man's just not mentioning it or was it something that made her languish?]

Is she sittin' down?

[Where is she? Freddy wants to try and see what Larry's seeing, even if all he can do is imagine it.]

That the brunette or the blonde?

[There are more than a few neighbors up here. Even though the two have been discrete Larry now and then gets the feeling that somebody knows. Call it a hunch. Though everyone's pretty awkward and smiling when you're picking up your mail at odd hours. Her talk may be getting to him.

He's watching this wizard cum chef now attentively.]

Huh? [Huh is not a polite response.] Oh. Yeah. She's right here. [A paw gestures beside him on the second empty seat at their kitchen island. ...that they fucked on before. Yow. Larry rubs his neck and in spite of himself and the whole situation he says] No salami today, huh? [Brown eyes dart to the empty space beside him. Nope. That one skipped the radar. Be happy he is even trying. Eating in and fixing a meal is far more cost efficient. That's what they say in the papers. Spending every dime didn't get us out of the Depression you know.]

The brunette.

[Look they got bagels. Now that's classy. Freddy's getting those out to cut them in two. With regards to their neighbors, he doesn't doubt that either, some people got instincts. But no one talks to each other like they live across the hall or across the lawn, this isn't some suburbanite home. Larry picked them a pretty swank socially but not physically isolated place. Oh wait, Freddy picked it.]

Well I can throw in some salami... [Freddy replies even though he's not quite getting the exchange going on. Talking when only one can see and hear their guest is a little awkward. He still doesn't know if she's really there or just an extremely cruel city trick. Best to err on the side of caution, show her he can be a gentleman too.] Spaghettios with cheese bagel sandwiches.

[The kid announces with some (tentative) pride. It's the best he can do but genuinely creative in his opinion.]

I'll keep an eye out.

[The bear licks his chops at this meal. Big big points in his book for heating the canned pasta alone. The whole dish together is easy to make sure, but he made it just for Larry.]

Thanks, pal. [And for a moment he looks like he's gonna dig in until he's prompted to wash his hands. Oops. Up he goes to the sink.]

Some salami? On the counter?

[Maybe that doesn't catch either. But as long as Ma doesn't know. It's a thank you as well as reaching out to the man somehow for something private of theirs. Hands washed and dried he returns.]

Looks great.

[Does this mean that he is the woman? That's not how things are. A woman would have been able to make you a full meal. You should think of the benefits. There are so many. Even though he is a well meaning young man you both are not making a wise choice. It isn't nature's way.]

Ma. [That's a growl by the way. Larry shakes his head and looks up to Freddy.] Thank you. I know I love it.

Sure.

[Hearing this clarification the kid just looks at the old man. It's not a dumb look, it's a look of 'is that really a good idea to mention with your mom around??' because as crass as Freddy can be around women he wouldn't dare be crass in front of his own mother. At least not sexually. Bringing a dirty old frog to the table is a different story.]

Just eat it.

[See look at Freddy dig in, om nom nom nom. Oh there's sauce on his lip and cheese too. Er, a light brow lifts for the way Larry seems to talk to no one though he could very well be addressing everyone. This is too fucking weird.]

[All he's got to do is smile in response. That's about as lewd as he'll dare. Larry would love to be a dirty old frog brought to the kitchen table. It's a huge overly idealistic fantasy for a time like this.]

Gladly.

[Fork up. Wait. Getting a napkin and putting it on his lap. Okay and....]

We should say grace.

[Yeah, kid. This isn't his words at all.]

[Fork? Hah Freddy here is using his hands but there are napkins at the ready for any potential drip issues--oh. That statement gives him a reason to do a doubletake. Really? He highly doubts those are Larry's words too.]

I don't want to.

[He says this calmly and coolly. It's just not something this kid does, once he remembers how his own mother put it, that there's no point in keeping up a ritual for the sake of appearances. Honesty and humility over tradition and pride, plus no one likes a self-indulgent martyr at the dinner table.]

You know....

[Damn well that Larry doesn't want to either.]

This time?

[For the sake of his sanity. He doesn't say another word but his mouth is twitching and his head is tilting to one side as he's getting very reason as to why this should be.

Start small then since it seems that going into a church will do so much harm! The two of you! I can hardly believe it! Is it not enough for a man to lie with another man? Lawrence I didn't know that you needed a woman's touch so very much. Now I'm starting to have a headache. Dear me. I must have forgotten my handbag. My pills were in there.]

........

[Really? The kid feels like he's being forced to roll out a private matter as a public one, no one's forgotten the problem they had with his cross on the wall right? But he can't blame the old man either, he knows he wouldn't say it if she weren't there. Freddy wonders if she's part of the reason Larry has trouble with religion. If only the kid knew about the pills, then he and Ma Dimick could have a real fight over religion of biblical proportions. Nevertheless, Freddy puts his bagel sandwich down to make the sign of the cross.]

Bless us, Lord, and your gifts which we're about to receive from your bounty. We don't always have a fuckin' clue why you bring to our table the shit you do, but like Matthew wrote: have no care for tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself, take the trouble of the day as it comes. Our strength comes from God who made the fuckin' mountains and fuckin' mountains don't stumble.

Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

[Again the sign, he does it fluidly, practiced. Then green eyes are looking from the old man to the empty space, back again, then again. What now, woman, what now.]

[Paws aren't used to moving as fluidly and practiced as Freddy but he does it the way he best remembers. God is in heaven. I'm right here. Blue bird on my shoulder and a letter starts with 'dear'....except when you're ambidextrous shit gets confusing.

Hell of a prayer. Freddy Newendyke is an utter blessing. Larry wants to pull him across the table and feed him each bite of their feast then have him for dessert.]

Amen.

[Profanity aside I think that he did the very best that he could... I don't think that he's going to be getting any better from here on out if the two of you remain together. Larry picks up his fork and digs in.]

Nice one. Thank you very much.

[And he means it with all of his heart. The clock ticks on and finally FINALLY midnight comes.]

Edited 2011-05-09 23:55 (UTC)

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