orangetoughguy | log post II

You don't owe me anything, Larry.

[Freddy owes him more than he can imagine but in the end for two men who are friends, or more than friends, the idea of owing either one anything is ridiculous. They just give and receive naturally, like that's the order of things anyway, and it is. Again Freddy thinks about asking him a question, something that could make it even more raw. He wants to know and maybe it's easier for Larry to answer than it is for him to say on his own. Green eyes are lookin' up.]

Did you miss her?

Still, you kept me together.

[Give and take and give and take. Gotta keep the cycle going. Brown eyes look away at the TV not seeing the images. Freddy's question catches his attention.]

Not right now. [That wasn't his question though.] I've missed her a long time, spent the better part of my life without her...

I know.

[About the amount of time Larry's spent without her. He won't ask if the old man loved her or still loves her. It's not his place or maybe it's just out of courtesy he doesn't pry too deeply. He wonders though...]

Where's your dad?

I guess I got so used to missing her I didn't know of what to do to finally see her.

[The kid makes a hell of a human pillow.]

I dunno. Alive I guess. Maybe dead. He couldn't take care of me on his own. There was shit holding him back. He owed money? I never got the whole story. He said he'd come back for me. I just needed to wait at Uncle Buck's. I'd talk to Ma sometimes on the phone when I lived with Pop. Then she passed away.

[One part mystery though the things she was saying got him thinking...]

I think she might have had problems Freddy. Like she may have been hooked on somethin'.

[He'll be a human-whatever he needs to be for Lawrence Dimick. His arms stay interconnected too, anchored to the other man so his ship doesn't sail astray.]

What kind of problem?

[The kid asks because it doesn't take a genius to tell Larry wants to--needs to--talk about it. He didn't go deep enough into L. Dimick's file to see what the papers said about her cause of death. Something about alcohol and abuse, sure, but he wouldn't dare presume Dimick Sr. killed her or that she killed herself over the course of her life. Hooked on something though? It sounds believable. Does this mean someone lied to Lawrence Dimick about why ma passed away?]

What did they tell you about her? [It wouldn't be the first time someone lied to a child to shield them from the truth.]

When things got kinda aggravating to her--more so than it already was--she'd mention her pills. That got me thinking. She took pills. Pop said she was sick. Though I never thought she was that sick when we left. Maybe they were uppers?

[His past is so far away. Not like the evidence is right there. And it's not likely he'll get any answers to show him whether he is right or wrong.]

[It's hard to fight the small frown that dons on Freddy's face. Cut that shit out, Newendyke, Mr. White here's been through tons of shit you never had to, maybe will never have to. And he ain't cryin', not crackin' a frown. Don't feel sorry for him if he doesn't feel sorry for himself. That'd be insulting.

And still the need to please overwhelms Freddy's own rationality.]

Maybe....I'm sorry Larry. [He says, not knowing what else to add to this tragedy that could make it sting less. He's not naive or blind enough to think it doesn't sting at all.]

You shouldn't be apologizing. You were great.

[He sighs. No tears. Larry's a tough guy. He's got so much to show for the life he has. Marksmanship skills, a seamless tan, a tattoo, a wonderful man to depend on...]

Wish it didn't have to be like that. She just invaded outta nowhere.

No. [He shakes his head.] I'm sorry you went through all that.

[Being told differently. How many times has Freddy committed that same kind of trespass on Lawrence Dimick? That he may have been lied to at such a young age, about his mom of all people, just makes having a not-so-magical toucan seem utterly ridiculous by comparison. Being a cop is a little more on par...but on the other hand he did tell Larry the truth eventually, and look at them now.]

It's okay, man. It's over.

[And you got to see her again. Again no presumptions, but something tells this kid the old man doesn't regret yesterday either.]

[It hurt like hell. Larry doesn't even know whether or not to call it a rewarding experience or not. He did get to see her again. Fucker that he is should be grateful for seeing her, even more so for the kid.]

A day is enough.

[So he didn't have to mess up. So she wouldn't have to say more things he couldn't endure. The big ol' body of his is scooting even closer to Freddy. This is the present. the past is in the past. Shake it off, old man.]

[Closer, holding, touching, each other. He presses a firm kiss to Larry's temple, just above the small darker spot high on his cheek. Yeah, the kid recognizes little characteristics like that.]

You turned out okay by me, baby.

[Sounds like to Lawrence Dimick that's all that matters, but for Freddy it's true too. He can't say he turned out Good necessarily, capital G, but who really does? Larry tries to be a good man for some people and tries to be a decent man to everyone else who doesn't cross him. Good enough.]

[Loving, touching, squeezing each other like it should be.]

No bullshit? I could take it if it wasn't so.

[If he could take it from his mother's mouth then he could maybe be alright with anything from Freddy. They've got a bullshit free environment. Mostly. The toucan business he'll forgive. He already has. After today what's the small stuff like that? Nothing. They got through the truth about him being a cop.

Larry plants a kiss on his cheek another on his handsome well sculpted nose.]

[He shakes his head, meaning it sincerely even though it could just as well be taken as a joke. The kisses to his face are fucking burning....burning for more that is. Freddy shifts to better sink against Larry. He doesn't even protest the attention paid to his stately nose.]

No bullshit.

If I'm okay by you then that's good enough for me.

[Any stamp of approval he gets come from friends. Anyone who's ever been a friend of Larry say that he's true blue. Then again, they have skewed senses of morality. Freddy's better than most. He's killed and lied but somehow still he's got this super hero grade glow of goodness coming off of him.

The old man presses a kiss to his mouth. He's now wondering about the kid's own mom. There was that story of the porno mags and the glue.]

[There's another nod followed by a second kiss of reciprocation. Either he's slowly leaning on top of Larry or Larry's slowly leaning on top of him. One of the two. With Sam still under observation with the vet there's no chirping involved. But green eyes are looking at brown ones. He's learned more about Larry and his mom than the old man probably ever wanted to let on. At least in this manner.]

My mom's name is Diane.

[Now he knows her full name in addition to where she's from. Larry could put a hit out on her if he wanted, but he wouldn't. If someone beat the shit out of White to get the information out of him he wouldn't dare share it. Right? This is the amount of trust he puts into a felon.]

[It's a lean on top of him. The better to keep on kissing, touching. Staying in the right now in the quiet. There is no serenade from Sam...who will be good as new very soon. Hey. There we go. Count your blessings, Lawrence Dimick.]

Diane Newendyke.

[He's saying it just to try it. Never in a million years would he wish harm on the kid's family no matter how sour everything can be.]

What's she look like, Freddy?

[Does she wear dresses with full skirts covered in flowers like Florence Dimick?]

[Cool cause anyone who harms his family gets dead. That's just the end of it. Some people go berserk over alarms, others go berserk over people getting set on fire and people coming after their family. Different strokes for different folks.]

Uh huh.

[Fortunately for that bear this fox gladly takes his weight upon him. Holding, touching, squeezing.]

Long light hair, the color's kinda like mine. S'got some curl to it goin' on. She likes wearin' jeans under girly frilly shirts. [They're called blouses you idiot.]

[Cops make a man go crazy. One man being Lawrence Dimick and for more ways than just one. Going after the family is a low, low blow. That's reserved for sworn enemies. He took Eddie down immediately after Joe. That was a necessity.]

She sounds pretty.

[He can picture the two of them standing close to one another, smiling like they're gonna be in a picture sent to grandma or something. Is it wrong to be happily distracted by this as his hands slowly lift up his shirt.]

Do you think you take after her?

She is pretty.

[See! See! Freddy doesn't hate women, fff. As for the hands going up his shirt no it's not wrong because it makes this kid feel nice and warm. It also pleases him to do what pleases the old man within reason. If lifting his shirt while talking about his parents makes his night better compared to his day then so be it.]

A little. I act more like my dad, that's what everyone says. [Note the mildly sour expression Freddy makes here.] My mom thinks so.

Good lookin' family, I bet.

[It could be the stress of the day that's making him have a desire to see the Newendykes, just to see them. He wouldn't even have to talk to him. Just to see them as he drops the kid off.]

My ma says that about me too. I dunno if they'd get along or not.

[...not that it matters anymore. Flo's long gone. That sour look though. Larry slides both paws up the kid's chest and works to change his expression.]

What about your father?

I guess, but my brother's a fuckin' troll. [Freddy says this because that's what brothers say about brothers okay? Al Newendyke is actually quite a looker himself but Freddy will never ever see it in a million years. The feeling's mutual anyway.]

I don't know...my mom's family's pretty well off, they got some solid farming fields under their belt. [No not weed or cocaine, actual crops and shit for corn or whatever.] They're kinda traditional but she's not like that, I mean she married my dad for one and he's the black sheep of his family. He stayed in Fresno for her.

[He says this like his dad is some kind of lame dweeb, the same man who introduced Freddy to comic books. Jack Newendyke knew not what he'd done at that moment. Oh those paws are real real nice...so nice it pretty much kind of contradicts the coolness he uses when he adds:] He knocked her up, that's why.

Course he's got to compete with you. They were savin' all the better looks for you. [Favoritism right here.]

That kinda life wasn't for you. But I think you should work on trying to knock somebody up. Promise I won't make you stay no place.

[Kidding, kidding. That's one hell of a tender spot. Fathers are trick people to work with as it is. You care about them but they're so distant, opinionated. At least that's what Larry's got to work with. Maybe now is about time to leave that alone. There's been enough frustration in this house.]

You got outta there.

[Made something of himself too.]

[The whole thing about saving the looks for him just makes Freddy roll his eyes. Not in a mean way, mind, it's just the flattery is so obvious he can't help but make a face. Trust him though, it's endearing. Thinking on that other remark though, this one comes as something that could be a heavyweight.]

I wouldn't mind bein' a dad. [And just as quickly the weight and the potentially epic meaning behind it is gone. He gives Larry's sides a firm squeeze.] It's okay if you can't bear nothin' though.

[The kid eases back against the couch again.] I'm not sayin' he was an asshole or that it sucked cow balls livin' in that house either. I didn't know my dad wasn't from Fresno until I was older, he made it look like he'd always been there. [Sound familiar? Like a guy from Fresno who pretty much considers himself from Los Angeles now? No one but Larry's the wiser.] Real tricky kinda guy.

But yeah, I got outta there.

[As long as saying flattering shit still gets the same kind of disbelief and flattery, he'll keep doing it. That's part of the reward. Besides, the old man's pretty sure that it means something to him.]

You gotta let me keep on tryin'.

[Fool for love.]

I think it runs in the family. [The old man moves a bit so that he can fiddle with Freddy's belt.] My mother wasn't from Milwaukee, not originally. She grew up in New York and Jersey then moved to Wisconsin in high school then she met my pop. That was the story.

[One he knew that wasn't a secret. Weird thing to be keeping from Freddy. It sounds very familiar.]

You can.

[Freddy permits verbally while his fingertips rub up and down those thicker firm sides. He's one muscled bear and this kid doesn't think he got that from his mom's side at all. Hands down now as Larry moves up, these green eyes focus on the work he's executing upon his belt.]

So she was a city girl at heart?

[Cause anyone who considers themselves to be part of both had to cross the bridge frequently, or so this Californian thinks anyway.]

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