orangetoughguy | log post II

[All he's got to do is smile in response. That's about as lewd as he'll dare. Larry would love to be a dirty old frog brought to the kitchen table. It's a huge overly idealistic fantasy for a time like this.]

Gladly.

[Fork up. Wait. Getting a napkin and putting it on his lap. Okay and....]

We should say grace.

[Yeah, kid. This isn't his words at all.]

[Fork? Hah Freddy here is using his hands but there are napkins at the ready for any potential drip issues--oh. That statement gives him a reason to do a doubletake. Really? He highly doubts those are Larry's words too.]

I don't want to.

[He says this calmly and coolly. It's just not something this kid does, once he remembers how his own mother put it, that there's no point in keeping up a ritual for the sake of appearances. Honesty and humility over tradition and pride, plus no one likes a self-indulgent martyr at the dinner table.]

You know....

[Damn well that Larry doesn't want to either.]

This time?

[For the sake of his sanity. He doesn't say another word but his mouth is twitching and his head is tilting to one side as he's getting very reason as to why this should be.

Start small then since it seems that going into a church will do so much harm! The two of you! I can hardly believe it! Is it not enough for a man to lie with another man? Lawrence I didn't know that you needed a woman's touch so very much. Now I'm starting to have a headache. Dear me. I must have forgotten my handbag. My pills were in there.]

........

[Really? The kid feels like he's being forced to roll out a private matter as a public one, no one's forgotten the problem they had with his cross on the wall right? But he can't blame the old man either, he knows he wouldn't say it if she weren't there. Freddy wonders if she's part of the reason Larry has trouble with religion. If only the kid knew about the pills, then he and Ma Dimick could have a real fight over religion of biblical proportions. Nevertheless, Freddy puts his bagel sandwich down to make the sign of the cross.]

Bless us, Lord, and your gifts which we're about to receive from your bounty. We don't always have a fuckin' clue why you bring to our table the shit you do, but like Matthew wrote: have no care for tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself, take the trouble of the day as it comes. Our strength comes from God who made the fuckin' mountains and fuckin' mountains don't stumble.

Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

[Again the sign, he does it fluidly, practiced. Then green eyes are looking from the old man to the empty space, back again, then again. What now, woman, what now.]

[Paws aren't used to moving as fluidly and practiced as Freddy but he does it the way he best remembers. God is in heaven. I'm right here. Blue bird on my shoulder and a letter starts with 'dear'....except when you're ambidextrous shit gets confusing.

Hell of a prayer. Freddy Newendyke is an utter blessing. Larry wants to pull him across the table and feed him each bite of their feast then have him for dessert.]

Amen.

[Profanity aside I think that he did the very best that he could... I don't think that he's going to be getting any better from here on out if the two of you remain together. Larry picks up his fork and digs in.]

Nice one. Thank you very much.

[And he means it with all of his heart. The clock ticks on and finally FINALLY midnight comes.]

Edited 2011-05-09 23:55 (UTC)

Nothin' doin'.

[He says this to Larry and for Larry only. For Larry he'd do just about anything, including throwing his mother a bone even though it grates on his nerves. After saying the prayer though already he feels a little relieved. Freddy hasn't said a sincere grace in a very long time. His bagel sandwich is delicious.

When midnight finally rolls around this kid is still awake, watching something on TV but with the volume a little low. He's not really paying attention to that guy on TV claiming he can tell someone's lying just by watching their faces. He's only watching it because the English midget looks like a forecast of things to come. Oh look shows over. No credits. Huh.]

[The old bear's awake. He's been now and then stepping aside to try at reasoning with shit he doesn't like hearing. Stubborn or stupid the things said can't be taken sitting down. Sorry he didn't catch the bizarre action going on TV. Suddenly...there's quiet. Real quiet.

Sigh of fucking relief. Larry lumbers to the couch and takes a load off. That's not enough he eases on over close to the kid with his arms around him.]

She's gone.

[The proximity takes him by surprise but it's not unexpected.]

You sure?

[Even though Ma Dimick proved herself to be somewhat of a nuisance the fact that she's gone now only reminds Freddy the woman died when he was a boy.]

Uh huh.

[He nods then nuzzles this man. Don't call him clingy. It's been a whole day without all that much physical contact.]

I'm glad you stuck around.

[There are more words he should say. Right now he's too glad for the silence, the ability to touch.]

[He hooks his own arm under then over Larry as if to lock them together at the elbow. The nuzzling is a welcome form of contact, of affection.]

What else was I gonna do, man?

[There are still questions the kid wants to ask about Larry, about Larry and his ma.]

I dunno. At first I thought maybe I could leave for the day or hide...

[Which would make them both very unhappy.] Whatever you did was fucking perfect. Couldn't have made it through without you. I wasn't ready for it.

[Yeah kid. He's going there and saying these things. Lawrence Dimick fucking raw.]

I owe you big time.

You don't owe me anything, Larry.

[Freddy owes him more than he can imagine but in the end for two men who are friends, or more than friends, the idea of owing either one anything is ridiculous. They just give and receive naturally, like that's the order of things anyway, and it is. Again Freddy thinks about asking him a question, something that could make it even more raw. He wants to know and maybe it's easier for Larry to answer than it is for him to say on his own. Green eyes are lookin' up.]

Did you miss her?

Still, you kept me together.

[Give and take and give and take. Gotta keep the cycle going. Brown eyes look away at the TV not seeing the images. Freddy's question catches his attention.]

Not right now. [That wasn't his question though.] I've missed her a long time, spent the better part of my life without her...

I know.

[About the amount of time Larry's spent without her. He won't ask if the old man loved her or still loves her. It's not his place or maybe it's just out of courtesy he doesn't pry too deeply. He wonders though...]

Where's your dad?

I guess I got so used to missing her I didn't know of what to do to finally see her.

[The kid makes a hell of a human pillow.]

I dunno. Alive I guess. Maybe dead. He couldn't take care of me on his own. There was shit holding him back. He owed money? I never got the whole story. He said he'd come back for me. I just needed to wait at Uncle Buck's. I'd talk to Ma sometimes on the phone when I lived with Pop. Then she passed away.

[One part mystery though the things she was saying got him thinking...]

I think she might have had problems Freddy. Like she may have been hooked on somethin'.

[He'll be a human-whatever he needs to be for Lawrence Dimick. His arms stay interconnected too, anchored to the other man so his ship doesn't sail astray.]

What kind of problem?

[The kid asks because it doesn't take a genius to tell Larry wants to--needs to--talk about it. He didn't go deep enough into L. Dimick's file to see what the papers said about her cause of death. Something about alcohol and abuse, sure, but he wouldn't dare presume Dimick Sr. killed her or that she killed herself over the course of her life. Hooked on something though? It sounds believable. Does this mean someone lied to Lawrence Dimick about why ma passed away?]

What did they tell you about her? [It wouldn't be the first time someone lied to a child to shield them from the truth.]

When things got kinda aggravating to her--more so than it already was--she'd mention her pills. That got me thinking. She took pills. Pop said she was sick. Though I never thought she was that sick when we left. Maybe they were uppers?

[His past is so far away. Not like the evidence is right there. And it's not likely he'll get any answers to show him whether he is right or wrong.]

[It's hard to fight the small frown that dons on Freddy's face. Cut that shit out, Newendyke, Mr. White here's been through tons of shit you never had to, maybe will never have to. And he ain't cryin', not crackin' a frown. Don't feel sorry for him if he doesn't feel sorry for himself. That'd be insulting.

And still the need to please overwhelms Freddy's own rationality.]

Maybe....I'm sorry Larry. [He says, not knowing what else to add to this tragedy that could make it sting less. He's not naive or blind enough to think it doesn't sting at all.]

You shouldn't be apologizing. You were great.

[He sighs. No tears. Larry's a tough guy. He's got so much to show for the life he has. Marksmanship skills, a seamless tan, a tattoo, a wonderful man to depend on...]

Wish it didn't have to be like that. She just invaded outta nowhere.

No. [He shakes his head.] I'm sorry you went through all that.

[Being told differently. How many times has Freddy committed that same kind of trespass on Lawrence Dimick? That he may have been lied to at such a young age, about his mom of all people, just makes having a not-so-magical toucan seem utterly ridiculous by comparison. Being a cop is a little more on par...but on the other hand he did tell Larry the truth eventually, and look at them now.]

It's okay, man. It's over.

[And you got to see her again. Again no presumptions, but something tells this kid the old man doesn't regret yesterday either.]

[It hurt like hell. Larry doesn't even know whether or not to call it a rewarding experience or not. He did get to see her again. Fucker that he is should be grateful for seeing her, even more so for the kid.]

A day is enough.

[So he didn't have to mess up. So she wouldn't have to say more things he couldn't endure. The big ol' body of his is scooting even closer to Freddy. This is the present. the past is in the past. Shake it off, old man.]

[Closer, holding, touching, each other. He presses a firm kiss to Larry's temple, just above the small darker spot high on his cheek. Yeah, the kid recognizes little characteristics like that.]

You turned out okay by me, baby.

[Sounds like to Lawrence Dimick that's all that matters, but for Freddy it's true too. He can't say he turned out Good necessarily, capital G, but who really does? Larry tries to be a good man for some people and tries to be a decent man to everyone else who doesn't cross him. Good enough.]

[Loving, touching, squeezing each other like it should be.]

No bullshit? I could take it if it wasn't so.

[If he could take it from his mother's mouth then he could maybe be alright with anything from Freddy. They've got a bullshit free environment. Mostly. The toucan business he'll forgive. He already has. After today what's the small stuff like that? Nothing. They got through the truth about him being a cop.

Larry plants a kiss on his cheek another on his handsome well sculpted nose.]

[He shakes his head, meaning it sincerely even though it could just as well be taken as a joke. The kisses to his face are fucking burning....burning for more that is. Freddy shifts to better sink against Larry. He doesn't even protest the attention paid to his stately nose.]

No bullshit.

If I'm okay by you then that's good enough for me.

[Any stamp of approval he gets come from friends. Anyone who's ever been a friend of Larry say that he's true blue. Then again, they have skewed senses of morality. Freddy's better than most. He's killed and lied but somehow still he's got this super hero grade glow of goodness coming off of him.

The old man presses a kiss to his mouth. He's now wondering about the kid's own mom. There was that story of the porno mags and the glue.]

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