orangetoughguy | log post II

If I give up my badge I can't get it back.

[He says to Larry because this is sort of the big white elephant in the room isn't it? A beautiful home south of the border, tacos, living free of rules, free of fucking boxes, doesn't it sound great? He'd be like an Avenger. Okay no because they fight for justice, maybe more like a mutant, hiding amidst the civilians. Except that would make most of Larry's network like Morlocks. Fuck.]

And I got family.

[The one thing Freddy Newendyke won't do is beg Lawrence Dimick to walk the straight and narrow.]

...I know. [And all of the acquaintances, well, all the tips tricks, everything will be different.[

I don't have much to lose but if I do it'd be big.

[Losing his freedom, losing his life, losing the kid, all of those would be devastating. He doesn't sigh but he turns to face Freddy.]

You could go back to them. I'd find a way to catch up after I know you've made it safe.

I dunno if I could do it. Go back to them.

[He's running his hand through his hair too now. Puff puff. That cigarette's already done for in the next few breaths. He rubs it out. Then Freddy wets his lips again, shaking his head.]

I can't turn you in. [No, that's the wrong phrasing.] I don't wanna turn you in.

[But the kid can't just turn his back on something he's sworn to do either, to serve and protect. That's why he's in a rut over whether to stay or go isn't it? If they stay here then Freddy has no agency to turn Lawrence Dimick over to anyway. Easy breezy. If they stay here then they'll never get to see Vegas together, never get to go up and down the coast. The city doesn't bore him, that's not it at all, but part of it seems like a caricature of what they should have.]

Not even to say goodbye?

[Nerves, nerves all over. Larry starts to feel a creeping emotion that he wouldn't have expected. It's guilt. Why is he wrecking this man's life?]

Look, I know there's risks. No one is gonna turn anyone in. We have a shot.

[Who says they can't have exactly what they want huh? Larry always knowing what he wants is trying to grab a whole handful and pull it out of the jar at the same time. Strange enough, this whole discussion has been short on the touching. He scoots closer and that's all, navigating through his private highway of what would happen if they're caught.]

I suck at goodbyes.

[Freddy admits in an unabashed self-deprecating manner, much like a teenager, of which they have a whole one between them. Not that this matters any to Freddy, he rather likes their different experiences. They are ones due to generational and regional differences, not just his gun versus his badge.]

Having a secret identity's not all it's fuckin' cracked up to be.

[The kid quips because he can feel the old man getting closer, he can fucking smell the tension in the air. And what does he do to this fucking felon? Freddy leans against him. This still doesn't answer whether or not they ought to try making a break from this place.]

I wanna meet the fucker who is.

[And punch them right in their fucking face. Though Freddy's simple statement makes him realize that there is no saying goodbye. Who could after almost dying, being kidnapped by a whole damn town.

Closer and he can breathe in Marlboros and see very fine lines in the man's face that show he is not a child. There should be no doubt. Lawrence, Two Guns, Dimick and catches Freddy's chin to not only look at him more directly in the face but be ready to kiss him whenever he wants.]

What do you want to do, baby?

[The rough pad of his thumb traces feels stubble at his chin.]

[Oh shit Larry's touching him and looking him in the eye. Those fucking warm brown eyes of his could undo just about anyone, broad or prick.

What does Freddy want to do? Kiss him, obviously. But there's more to it. They have this chance to go home and while he wants to hit the road with this old tough guy rambler he also wants to stay grounded in this caricature world where they don't even have to think about real consequences, the kinds that could seriously undo everything they've forged since meeting in Smokey Pete's. What in the name of fucking hell do you want, Newendyke?]

I wanna be good for something.

[Good cops don't fall in love with felons. Of course good cops don't get tons of people killed because they fucked up either. Good lovers don't betray their partners. Hell good friends don't betray each other. Good cops don't make friends with cop killers and good whitebread sons don't beg to take it up the ass and good boyfriends don't throw a bitchfit over some pieces of hand drawn women on posters. Maybe Larry can have that as a legitimate reason for hating on the wooden symbol hanging in the kid's room, because never being good enough is practically coded into it.]

I don't wanna wreck what we got cause havin' you makes me happy. [There he said it.]

Who says you're not good for something?

[Is figuring out how he'll live on the run? How work may be hard to find without providing any personal information? It won't be easy. But it'd be a hell of a lot easier than giving up this. He said he wouldn't leave him bleeding on the ramp at the rendezvous, no sense in starting now.

None of it is smart. And Larry still is wrapped up in the doubt that if he loved Freddy as much as he said that he does, he'd let him off. But those goddamn words, he makes him happy. Mr. White is a criminal, a killer and it's expected of them to carry on in their way without a care for the norm and the law. Why would it be a shock that he'd do drugs, fuck both genders, rob cradles and corrupt cops?]

You're not gonna quit havin' me. [Not until he says stop, even then Larry's got a feeling that he'll always have a piece whether Freddy wants to or not.] And hey, remember, we're tough guys. We don't wreck without a fight.

[Those green and amber eyes give him the confidence to say this unfaltering. So much so he'll seal it with a brief kiss.]

[I do. Other people too, they may not say it but Freddy can tell. At least he did in Fresno as a teen, in Los Angeles as a drop out. He won't argue that with Larry though, the kid knows better. He nods.]

I didn't forget. [That they're tough guys, tough guys who don't wreck without a fight or in Freddy's case doesn't die and keeps on truckin' until he's completely bled out. What does this have to do with trying to go home? Is Freddy still avoiding the question by returning that kiss? He makes it a harder longer one too.]

Mmhm. [He sounds between their mouths.] You're amazing.

[This fucking kid, Larry pulls him closer dragged willingly into a deeper longer engagement with Freddy's mouth.]

You're amazing to me.

[Which means I love you, I want this to keep going. Fucking tender, fragile sentiments that keep on coming without an end.]

So sleep on it and talk in the morning?

[Don't think he hasn't noticed that Freddy hasn't offered up a complete opinion on what the coming days should hold. For now he's fine with waiting on it. Kind of like a long, slow goodbye to how it is here.]

[Another kiss, and another, smaller ones but no less meaningful. Then the kid's pulling back just enough to look at Larry. He's not hurt real bad and he's not fucking dying but he's just as eager to hold onto Larry like he is.]

Okay, Larry. [Freddy nods.] Okay.

[Being held like this while fucking dying is about the only comfort that anyone can give outside of getting help or ending the misery. It's not misery here in the City. And it wouldn't be on the outside, not really. The old man grips him right back, touching his face with both hands before combing back his hair.]

That's my man.

[God he loves those fingers in his hair. He wouldn't want to give that up for anything. Besides, Freddy just put his motorcycle together. The kid can't let them skip off this world without taking it around the island full circle. Just once. Like a do over of their driving that car in a circle when they first arrived, not that Freddy would want to do that over either. He has no regrets.]

We got corn dogs and some tacos left over.

Fucking mind reader.

[Larry was thinking more on the lines of they get a big truck and stash the bike in the back. It'd be a bitch to do but pay off. There are many angles to consider. Either way, the point of the journey isn't the destination they say. Was that in a movie or a fortune cookie?

Ruffle that hair once more before he's up on his feet to prepare the goods in the microwave.]

Thirsty?

[Since he's at the fridge too. It's a good way to mellow out.]

[Ffff. He shakes his head to 'fix' that floppy mess more out of habit than anything because Freddy can't lie about enjoying that paw. Now that they're separated though he sits up over the back of the couch and nods.]

Sure.

[Catching the pool table in his eye he wonders how they could take anything beyond the clothes on their backs. And his Green Lantern ring. And his Marvel Transformers. And Larry's pin ups. They've lived a life here, it would be a shame for it to be only their little secret when they're back on earth, like fucking Narnia or some shit.]

log post II

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