orangetoughguy | log post II

Yeah. I guess I do.

[That wasn't the way he would put it or think about it but a spade is going to be a spade. Larry takes out another cigarette. He cradles the flame as it moves with the sea breeze before clicking the lighter shut.]

Would you want to live in an apartment?

[Simple question edging on complex context. Sorry kid. He's heading there.]

That depends on the apartment. I live in an apartment right now and it's great [That'd be their current apartment.] but the one I had before it was okay. I made it home, it wasn't anything special.

[Freddy shakes his head, knowing this is going There.] I like houses, all that space...well I gotta say I like breaking in houses.

[A beat, then the kid is using his hands.] Not like that, I mean making a house look lived in. That's what I mean.

You want us to keep ours? That's home to me.

[He hasn't had very many homes. It's a place where you feel comfortable, where you can unwind. With Freddy he's felt safe and fucking accepted for who and what he is. The kid has got to feel the same. Is it something they can take with them though? Maybe that's the big looming question.]

I dunno how we could pack it up, we got a lot of stuff now.

[He answers without addressing the underlying question.]

I'd miss it...it doesn't mean we can't pick up stuff again though.

Sure doesn't.

[They'd have the diamonds. Though that is a whole other issue. Larry takes a deep inhale.]

Do you want to go back now kid?

[Brown eyes are trying to meet his green. He attempts a point blank approach before letting it drop for good.]

I don't know. [He answers honestly. It was gonna come up sooner or later.] I don't know, Larry.

[Freddy speaks quietly, green eyes on the wet rocks and white surf.] It's fuckin' hard, thinkin' through all the other shit, cause--[The kid pauses.]--cause I don't...

[He shakes his head.] Cause I don't wanna leave you. That's it, whatever happens, I don't wanna say goodbye to you.

[That's the hardest part because while he does want to go home, go back to Los Angeles, going back there could very well mean having to leave Mr. White's side. They have a lot going for them and just as much working against them.]

[Not knowing is something he can accept. Well, fuck he's basing his own reaction on the kid's decision. Larry stands positions between Freddy and the white rocks.]

This wouldn't be goodbye. Not in my book. I wouldn't leave you, not for long.

[Promises, promises. He could stay all he wants, but what the fuck is gonna happen. With a sigh he drops his cigarette into the sand.]

I don't wanna lose this and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it.

Don't you miss it, Larry? I mean there's gotta be something for you back home.

[Besides the kid, besides his dead friends. What about Alabama? What about his mom and dad? Anything? It worries Freddy that whatever Larry does seems to hinge on what he does. It's too much responsibility, too much fault in his hands if Freddy makes the wrong decision, and they've already seen what massive destruction his missteps can make.]

I wanna do whatever it takes to keep you, but I can't handle you goin' back to prison. [Or worse.] What if I'm bad for you, what if I'm fuckin' poison or kryptonite.

I do. I miss it a lot.

[What he wouldn't give for his sunglasses. Brave big man he is trying to make eye contact then feeling like he needs to shy away on the spot. Fuck it man. He looks just the same.

Something to go back to? Nope. All he got is himself, that's how it's been. Bama and people come and go. Friends are as close as you'll let them. That's how it was with a friend like Joe, a friend who he gunned down. Larry swallows.

Poison or kryptonite? All this time he's been worried about the influence on Freddy.]

No, baby. No. Don't go talking like that. You're fucking wonderful for me, to me. [It isn't to say he has any control about prison. A look beyond them to see if anyone is around before he takes a step closer and puts his hand on the kid's shoulder, close to his neck.]

The law's on my side. People go undercover all the fuckin' time, that's why we got witness protection, marshals, the fuckin' feds. They'll try to get to you through me.

[Another shake of his head then he puts his hand on top of the one on his shoulder.]

I wouldn't let'em but I don't know if I'm good enough to protect you the way you protect me. I fuckin' failed everybody at the warehouse.

I know they would try. They wouldn't succeed, I got ways too.

[And he knows that even with the stakes laid out like that he would try to see him anyway. His thumb rubs over the top of Freddy's hand.]

Hey. Quit talking like that. That all wasn't your fault. I'll be damned if you're gonna spin it like that.

[What can be said from here? Larry leans forward to touch his forehead against Freddy's he's got to crane it just a little.]

I don't wanna fuck anything up, Larry. That's all. I don't wanna fuck up.

[Or be a fuck up. Forehead to forehead he half-lids his green gaze, incapable of shaking off this feeling of fear that they're on a precipice and Freddy has to make a decision that could change both their lives drastically.

Like that hasn't already happened with Black Magic Woman and the like.]

You're not gonna, not with me.

[Be it the old man's presence making it work or the fact that Freddy can't truly fuck up what they have. Larry's still around right now.]

We don't have to leave. No one says we gotta.

[He knows somehow that if he said anything, made a definite decision the kid would go with it. It's not fair to pass the decision making here and there.]

Just know no matter what goes down, it won't change how I feel about you. Ain't that what really counts?

A part of me says we gotta, the responsible part. The selfish part says stick to your guns and stay here.

['Here' and 'guns' being not a place but a person. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who that person is, does it?]

Yeah, it counts. Alot. [Freddy nods once, twice.]

Responsible to who? To what?

[Because it seems like no one else is paying too much mind to these to men standing close to the water he threads his fingers into Freddy's hair.]

I feel selfish either way. We go and I'm going to hit the pavement. Make no mistake I'll see you whenever however, [considering that he'll want to stay on that straight and narrow...he's a cop after all] it'll be a life on the road.

[Larry licks his lips before continuing] ...if we stay, I have you unconditionally.

You won't have fuckin' metal birds and shit coming after you or weird days when you wake up feelin' like a tea pot cause that's what you are.

[He shakes his head. Who knows if Freddy is really complaining about bizarre curses or not. Harpies and whatever are the price they pay for this life, separation too at least for the kid. They may not be on the best of terms but a part of him doesn't want to have left his family and friends without at least saying goodbye. Goodbye before driving off into the sunset with Lawrence Dimick. It could be the best mistake of his life. Maybe they aren't ready to go (yet) but now he has to say it. Freddy runs his other hand down Larry's chest.]

I'm sorry about your friends. [Mainly, he means Joe.]

I won't think nothing of getting my car towed or noisy people in the next room after all this.

[Try and make light of it, try to not let it be as big and intimidating as this all comes to be. It's what tough guys do. Even when he's trying to crack a smile it's not lasting as long as he means to.

He swallows. What does it all mean now? Brown eyes drop to follow his hand as it lingers down. Those words, why does he have to say those words? Larry opens his mouth to speak and promptly closes his mouth. The kid gets a nod.]

[That actually gets a laugh out of Freddy, soft and brief but a laugh nonetheless. After all this maybe they'll better appreciate the daily grind of a place like Los Angeles, New York City, Chicago.

As for his words, he has to say them because they're part of a reality they've managed to push back in favor of living this one. No Cabots, no Holdaways, why even bother thinking it? But Freddy knows, Larry ought to know, they can't just ignore it either. Too many damn elephants, birds, whatever, in the room. He can't let the nod go unanswered too so with no one else around the kid leans up to place a firm kiss along the side of the old man's strong jaw.]

Wanna keep driving along?

[It's not quite code but it could be; want to keep hitting the pavement with me?]

[Freddy didn't know Joe the way that Larry did. Somehow he wishes that he could have even a little. Then he would somehow understand some extent of how he feels. It's harder to ignore. And there's a thick bitter feeling in his throat. It's soothed by that kiss.]

Yeah. You said you wanted to see the whole place.

[There are things to do here. Shit to work out. First thing being the motorcycle ride around the island.]

[Freddy is kind of glad he didn't know Joe as much as he could have, the better to not have to saddle so much guilt. That's the selfish part talking. After the kiss he leans back and nods again.]

I do. [Again.] You can drive if you want.

[It's not a pity offer in the least. Even Freddy Newendyke has to admit he likes having Larry Dimick in the driver's seat too. Sometimes.]

You sure? I haven't handled a lady like Christie Love before.

[Shit. That's what you call trust. The bike is new.]

Sure you don't mind? It ain't like a horse or a car.

[He's kidding.]

If you break her you're payin' for her hospital bill.

[That's the only warning Larry gets as he dangles the key out for the big old bear to take in his big old paw. It's hardly a real warning though evident in the way Freddy gives a little smile.]

Ouch. Tough love. I won't lay a scratch on her, Pop. Promise.

[He gives a sheepish, shit eating smile for all he's worth taking those dangling keys into his big paw.]

It'll be a nice and easy ride then right back on home.

[To the apartment. That is the extent of the message that he's got from it all. And that's okay. It's standing on the edge, assessing the distance before the jump then heading back to make sure they're good and ready. Yeah, that's it.]

[Freddy gives Larry a look.] She can handle way more than nice and easy.

[Just saying. She's got the kid's magic touch after all.]

I wanna start out nice and easy.

[Larry pulls away slowly but not breaking away from that look.]

Kind of like getting her a drink and telling you that you like her dress before getting a feel for the rest of the night.

log post II

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