orangetoughguy | log post II

[Tok tok? Hop hop perch, peer. Oh it's just that other guy who lives here. Sam flutters because Larry's not the type to make excessive room for him, fff, fortunately their kitchen's big enough.]

You bought dinner? Cool.

[Everything's just supercool and superfine man. Freddy looks over just to make sure--fuck noooooo. Oh whew, coast is clear. The split second dread is already gone from the kid's face and just when he's about to relax again there's a single plink of Sam not caring to use the bird pan. Can anyone blame him? Dropping a diamond isn't pleasant.]

[Gosh bird. Mind your space. Sheesh.]

Yeah. Figured I'd pick up somethin' on the way. I'about starved.

[Huff of an old man sighing in frustration. Not to complain or anything but for fuck sake, seems like every time the fucking bird is holding it waiting for him. He grabs a paper towel, ready to clean it up.]

Holy shit. Freddy!

He's supposed to use the pan.

[The fact of the matter is the bird tends to use it only when Larry's not around. Anyway. Now the kid's getting up from his seat.]

What? What is it?

[Flap flap flap. Sam hops away from the scene of the crime to preen.]

[Larry holds the paper towel just so. No not right in his face but up at an angle to examine.]

You wouldn't believe it.

[The rest of the mess is soaked up. No problem but whatevers in the old mans hand is worth looking over.]

Look at it and tell me I'm not seein' things.

[The flimsy tissue is right before that stately Newendyke nose.]

........

[Freddy stares at the paper towel with a look on his face, the kind that says "Yes I know what bird shit looks like." But then something catches his eye, that shine, a piece of pure ice. No. ...He didn't. ...He did.

Whatchu gonna do now, Newendyke? Green eyes glance over to the toucan who in preening shifts from a brown and yellow bill to a warm orange one.]

Did he just shit a diamond?

Yes!

[Look at this grown man's face. Right here it's Christmas and his birthday and holy fuck man. Larry carefully pulls it away to shine it against the counter top.]

That's--it's crazy. [Shaking his salt and peppery head he's still grinning.] Must be some kind of a curse or something. He didn't do this while I was out right?

[The old man throws a glance at his watch. Nope, not quite midnight.]

How in the fuck?

[Shit look at that grown man's face, it's like it's Christmas or his birthday which is coming up soon isn't it? Oh Newendyke, what have you done? What has the toucan done? Freddy gives Sam a look before turning his focus back to Larry. Hop hop flutter. The bird lands on Freddy's arm to see what's going on.]

Nope he definitely did not.

[The kid says with a pat to the bird's head. You're really in for it now, both of them actually. E-e-e-ee-e-ee-e. The bird croaks cheerfully.] Maybe it's just a one time thing, I mean he's probably not even from Earth or whatever so anything can happen, but I doubt he's gonna shit gold too. He hasn't done it before and the only different food he's been eating's papaya. I gave it to him this morning.

[That's right Newendyke, downplay it only to give Lawrence Dimick a reason to rationalize the diamond; a change in diet.]

Fuck, you know what this means? We got a diamond mine. The toucan that lays diamonds.

[Now he's laughing. The absurdity of it all. Then again, it changes colors don't it? Who says it can't do anything else.]

Are you sure? I mean, you clean it's cage. You'd have seen something in there. We could be throwing out rubies or hell even cubic zirconia there's a market for that too.

[Larry looks at the toucan now, so rarely does he keep eye contact so long it's usually the other way around.]

Does he want more papaya?

[This is getting bigger than he wants, but what did you really expect Newendyke??]

I'm pretty sure, Larry. [About the cage cleaning. But hey if Sam doesn't do it again (which he won't as far as Freddy's concerned) then where's the harm right? He thinks about it another moment before offering a harmless suggestion. Yep totally harmless.] ...Maybe if we feed him cherries he'll drop a ruby.

[Though, the purple grapes haven't produced any amethysts. Hm. The bird gives Larry a look for that question, like Sam just knows the word papaya. Flutter hop. Now he's on the bear's broader perch. E-ee-ee-e-e-e. Yes please.]

More papaya comin' up.

[The mysterious diamond comes to rest on the cutting board away from the Chinese food (which is forgotten for now) and far away from the sink. Larry cuts the papaya in his hand and hands a piece to the bird perched on him. Aren't they the best of friends now?]

We could try that. See what happens.

[Still grinning he looks at the kid.]

What are the fuckin' chances?

.......

[Why would Freddy want to wreck something so beautiful? Just look at them. The toucan nips the piece out of that paw gently before doing the toss back where he swallows the piece whole. That would explain how a piece of fruit can digest into a whole diamond, right? He gives a mental sigh.]

I doubt Sam's gonna mind, huh dude?

[E-ee-e-e-ee-e. Yep. What are the chances? How can he fucking know anymore? The kid goes to the other side of the counter where he can get dinner ready.]

Maybe it's like a special thing it does every once and a while.

[Slicing up another bit while Sam is chewing. Say, he's not so bad. Loud sure but he's a bird. They do that. How many birds shit diamonds? Not very many.]

Or maybe they're special papayas?

[Brainstorming a little more because it just doesn't happen.]

Anyway, fellas gonna have a buffet.

[His own stomach growls. Oh yeah. They got dinner waiting. Larry shakes his head, still caught up in the miraculous and ridiculousness of it all.]

This fuckin' City.

[Sam's already eagerly awaiting more fruity treats. Suddenly it's like he's won the fruit lottery with the truckish oaf under his toucan feet.]

So why don't you eat the papaya and see what happens?

[Freddy dares. He means it as a joke but the way Larry is carrying on he ought to know the man might try it for real. He sticks some chopsticks into his take out box of chow mein. No harm done, no fuckin' harm.]

I think it'd take longer with me. Besides....Sam's a pro. He's done it before.

[That doesn't happen with people. Then again, it doesn't happen with birds usually. Oh great, Freddy. Look at the old man look at the papaya a moment like that. Finally he shakes his head. No papaya for him. It's a small rock that came out, proportioned well with a bird. What is he supposed to do with anything proportioned to a big ol' bear? Fuck that.

And besides, fishing it out after when you can pluck it out seems tedious.]

After you, kid.

[Eat that. Another slice for the bird before he walks closer to the cage to relieve himself of papaya and toucan.]

[.....Well, Newendyke, you should've seen that one coming. He notes the looks and only feels more guilty, except it's still okay cause nothing would really happen to Larry if he tried it anyway. It's a harmless little lie. Just eat your chow mein, kid. Freddy slurps that up to keep his mouth shut.]

Uh huh.

[Spoken around chopsticks as he follows the unlikely pair. The bird hops into his home to go after the piece of fruit. He's hit the jackpot with not one man but two spoiling him with sweets. What a cushy life this toucan leads.]

[For a moment the old man observes the bird. It looks like an ordinary fruit. As far as toucans go he seems to be healthy and standard outside of the color changing quality.] Fucking weird. [With a shake of his head he returns to the kitchen to dig out his own food.]

How'd everything go today?

[Because they can't obsess with Sam the whole day. Larry'll have a fork for his grub thanks.]

Fuckin' city.

[Freddy replies like that's some kind of answer for it all. And it isn't. But he's not going to tell Larry that. Sitting on the couch now he stalls some more by feeding his guilt a long piece of stir fry noodle. Slurp slurp slurp...slurp...sluuuurp. There.]

Okay, nothin' big. Someone wanted repairs on this two-wheeler thing straight outta the Jetsons, some 'segway' whatever. You?

[Broccoli beef for the old bear. Munch munch munch.]

Oh yeah? How the hell does that even work? It's not a car.

[Picturing it alone it doesn't come together well. A few more chews before he speaks up.]

Okay. Business is picking up. They liked the cleanin' job on the car and gave the boss the news. So. In one circumstance everythin's fine. I just hope his girl is smart about shit.

It's got two wheels and you steer it up top, it's like riding a hoverboard, but sideways. On a motor. You go too fast and lean over too far you eat the fuckin' pavement.

[There, the kid explains it, but it still sounds pretty fucking crazy...like a bird that shits diamonds. Looking over at Larry now he nods on the stakeout update.] So you're not gonna tell'im huh? It ain't lying saying she's not fucking around with some guy.

[Newendyke, now is not the time to tell Larry how to lie.]

That sounds fuckin' nuts. Who gets around on that? It's kids stuff. Why bother with wheels at all?

[Which isn't to say that he's not interested. Stimulating conversation at the apartment from toucans that drop gem stones to funny vehicles. Forking in more of the noodles he chews before answering.]

I'm not gonna. It's not my place there. And she isn't fucking any man. I'd be in a real pickle if he asked me to watch her all the damn time but no. Just once. So I guess he intercepted some message or something.

[The unspoken message is that Larry empathizes. He's got a secret too. Getting rattled out like that without any time to prepare or fucking get any kind of story straight... yeah, he's not true believer in karma but it is something he can't bring himself to do.]

A hoverboard's way cooler and you know for a movie that's three years old I'm kinda surprised nobody's invented that shit here yet. Have you seen one around? I've seen robot people turn into motorcycles but no fuckin' hoverboard.

[What's up with that?? Oh right, they're talking about more grown up things too. Freddy rubs his chin thoughtfully over Mamba's situation.]

I dunno, I've been that guy you know? But I shoulda seen it coming and I didn't need to fuckin' spy on her. [Women. Bah. Freddy doesn't even think about the karmic element to the situation, maybe because in their own defense no one is cheating on anybody.]

Good question. [One worth asking the City at large. People turning into motorcycles? What. Don't think less of him Freddy but sometimes, just sometimes the old man feels like you bullshit to get a rise on out of him. So far he hasn't seen that. Then again, what does and doesn't exist and what is and is not possible is the exact opposite of what one thinks it would be. Crazy ol' town.] Maybe they're out there but stashed like a Ferarri for safe keeping.

[Just an idea. Shrug. He abandons the food at the counter to sit at the couch with the kid.]

Yeah. I know. See I dunno why she wouldna told you though. You got no entourage or any kinda people that'd lean on you or some shit. [Yeah, he's taking the long route around to say that Freddy's ex wasn't dealing with a dangerous person. ...isn't that what the kid is doing though? Then again, no one is cheating anyone.] I'd like to think that she knows what she's doin'. Maybe her girl's got someone on the side. Who fucking knows.

[Right now he'd rather have Larry believe that than the idea of a toucan shitting diamonds. In the case of people turning into motorcycles, that's actually the truth. Either way though he doesn't think less of the old man.]

Because we were stupid teenagers in college?

[Freddy suggests humorously only because that's probably the fucking truth. Maybe back in Larry's day college was a big deal but for one Freddy Newendyke, once he got there, everything demystified pretty quickly. Then again, he's a drop out.] Because I'm white, she's hispanic, and the Other Woman was black? I don't know.

[The good thing is the kid can laugh about it now. Better than Barbie's deal, she could actually jeopardize her own safety.]

[Is it the kid's delivery? How he speaks? Either way. The old man believes it.]

Probably, kid. Probably. [He shrugs and moves to open the Chesterfield box on the table.] Barbie here, she's all grown up. She can do what she wants.

[The race issue... what are you doing there Freddy? With the smoke between his lips he leans against the kid's shoulder. This is what matters. Sure he is concerned with the woman but what good would it do to them sticking their necks out for a woman who doesn't know them? Most importantly, his loyalties lie with Mamba.

Click, click of his lighter.]

Now you don't gotta share.

[Maybe someone thought he'd be a free ticket to privilege, too bad she picked the wrong slice of cornbread to ladder up in the world. On the other side of the equation, even Freddy can't say he thinks she chose the other woman over himself for material or social advantages. He won't say he's happy they like each other either though, bitch played him too hard.]

Why would I wanna? [Asks the kid, feeling that lean and knowing when he turns his head they'll probably be nose to nose. His is quite stately after all. Freddy punctuates his question with a quick slurp of noodles. Then he's licking the taste off his lips.] Even when there's a lot of you to go around?

[Green eyes focus shamelessly on the space between Larry's thighs to specify just a lot of what the old man has, has and is reserved for Freddy's benefit.] If we were gonna fuck around with some other guy together it's still not sharing, it's throwing in other pieces to play with. Right up front.

[Note how easy it is for him to consider it'd be a male thrown in anymore, even though the kid still can't say those three life changing words: I am gay. Hey so they're in the clear for toucan business are they? It sounds like it, Freddy's relieved.]

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