orangetoughguy | phone post

My best friend is gone. Again. Third time in one year and the last time, she was barely here for three weeks before she went home.

[It's the in and the out that kills Angela the most, but that doesn't need to be said when it's already implied. Instead, she nods a thank you for the beer and takes a swig.]

I want her to be happy and she's better off at home, but I want her here with me. Selfish, I know, but it's the truth and it's something I can't get over wanting no matter how many times she leaves.

[It's saying something that it comes out so easily to a man who still is a stranger to her in many way. Maybe that makes it easier for her.]

At least you admit it, ain't no harm in that. [Freddy shakes his head.] You're not ready to check out though are you?

[He takes a sip of his own, the cut in his lip healed enough to keep the alcohol from stinging.]

More than ready. [No secret in that. Doesn't everybody here want to go home?] I don't want a stupid snowglobe that shows me what I can't have. That just pours salt into the wound that they took the knife out from.

[Another swig, followed by another in quick succession.]

I want to go back to D.C., get back with my ex-girlfriend, have her dump me like like I know she's going to and be done with it. At least then I have choice to run away if I feel like it. I won't have to deal with losing people who've become like family to me dropping like flies without so much as a goodbye or a phone number to call them at. I can see my dad too.

[He doesn't bat an eye over ex-girlfriend because he's got his beer to cover it up ahem. Freddy received a snow globe too, and he traded it for the one of Milwaukee but that's nobody's business.]

Wish I could help you but if I could I'd be making a million here. [It's a joke, maybe ill-timed, but one of Freddy's coping mechanisms is humor.] You ever think maybe you gotta be here for a reason?

[Even if he did have a noticeable reaction, Angela would have just shrugged it off. It's never been a big deal and it's not now when she has more important topics on the table. If he cares, he can ask her later.]

And what reason is that?

[In the beginning, Angela took this place as a pleasant break from life, an unplanned vacation. Her second and third month changed that rose-tinted view of the City real quick and it hasn't gone back to that place yet. A reason? Angela can't think of any. The draining of her beer in exchange for another shot isn't helping either.]

Don't know, that's something you gotta find out on your own cause I'm pretty sure we ain't all got the same one.

[At least liquor before beer never fear or something, though Freddy's already committed to helping her get home when necessary.]

Think about it, I know they keep sayin' time stops back home when we're here or whatever and you don't remember nothin' but people who come back always do. It ain't like you get a different person every time. [Not in Freddy's experience anyway.]

I'm usually the last person to say something like this, but I don't think there is a reason. For us, at least. The deities get a kick out of us being miserable, though.

[Home is not where the heart is, in regards to her apartment here. With the exception of the animals who just muffle the ticking, it feels emptier than usual and Angela's not sure if she wants to deal with another night there right now. A hotel somewhere in the City might be more welcoming.

His last statement is a complete lie and Angela shakes her head at that.]

That's not true. Brennan didn't remember anything when she came back the second time. Not this place, not where we lived, not even her cat. She was basically a different person and if she comes back like that again, I'm going to break something.

I guess that's a matter of perspective.

[He can't tell her he's not so miserable despite his busted face. He thinks about telling her this place probably bought him another good five months of living. Freddy hasn't eliminated the possibility that when they go back he's as good as dead, but an extra five months? There's gotta be a reason for that.]

Maybe she had to for her own reasons. I'm not sayin' you don't got a right to be angry or anything, I mean I'd be too, but maybe waitin' for her ain't the only reason you've been here. Would you wanna forget all of this just to go home? I mean everything from day one til now?

[Well, she would understand if he did tell her. Penny got some extra time before she left. So did Justin. For some people, their reason is clear cut. Angela's isn't one of the lucky ones. Not anymore at least. She used to say the same words Freddy is telling her now, but even sometimes, she has to be rational and logical and see things for how they really are. No matter how hard she thinks, she can't figure out a why for her. She'll forget everything and everyone when she goes back anyway. She can't even draw on it as life experience.

Switching from vodka to a tumbler of bourbon, Angela flops back in the booth and nurses it slowly.]

I wouldn't mind forgetting a few choice moments and months.

Really? I dunno I don't think I could do something like that.

[Although he believes Angela can govern her own drinks he's still monitoring her alcohol intake.] People get hooked on dope for that reason.

[A puff of laughter passes her lips over the glass rim.]

You just haven't been here long enough. And I'm not in dangerous of doing dope. I like a natural high.

[That could be taken at either not toking it up or only sticking to things that come from a plant. Who knows? There is the tiny little fact of weed, meth, and peyote being part of Angela's history.]

[ANYTHING BUT METH. Ahem...he sips his beer, glad to get some kind of laugh out of her, though preferably not a dubious or dry one.]

You don't know anybody happy to be here?

[Look, she knows meth by taste alone. That has to say something about what she has and hasn't tried.]

Penny was, I think. She's gone too.

I know you know more people than that. Someone's gotta be happy. Was there one time, just one, when you were?

[It's a little weird for Freddy to be the one talking optimistically but mostly what he'd like to do is take the blue out of Ms. Coco.]

[Angela's seriously thinking, but whether it's her memory, the people who were happy being gone now, or the alcohol, she can't pull up any. Somebody should take a poll.]

In the beginning, I was. I pretended it was a free vacation away from dealing with corpses and dead kids.

Well you know happiness don't last forever, it comes and goes. How long you been here?

A year and a half. [Far too long, thank you very much.] Are you happy here?

A little tiny fraction of your entire life and it started out alright? Ain't bad odds.

[He's not going to ask Angela her age but really one year, it's safe to assume it's a tiny fraction. As for her question Freddy's got to think about it. His face was busted by the very same force who helped keep him alive. Some good some bad in that, he nods.]

Sometimes yeah. [He doesn't want to jinx it by saying he's had sadder moments at home.]

For me, a year is a longer than just a fraction.

[A year is the longest time she's ever spent in one place not D.C. A year is the longest time she's ever had her choices taken away from her. A year for Angela is like a lifetime to other people.]

I hope it stays like that for you. [And a piece of rare pessimistic advice...] Don't get attached or committed.

Well I hope it gets on the up and up for you.

[If she can't hope for herself Freddy's here to do it for her, whether or not it just comes off as obnoxious on his part. If he didn't care he wouldn't be sitting here nursing beers and bourbon with her.]

I ain't old enough to shoot people off my lawn yet.

[She needs time, as much as Angela hates waiting. The alcohol, the crying, they're all temporary distractions from the matter at hand. They can't last forever. Even Angela knows that much. But she's on her way to throwing up that wall that she used to have, the one that stopped her from committing or attaching herself to anybody or anything.]

In a couple years, you will be.

[There's a joke for you there, Freddy, even if Angela's hiding it behind her sips of alcohol.]

[Oh hell naw. He snorts though it's in good humor, just playing along.]

What makes you say that?

You're the older one. Don't deny it.

[He takes a generous gulp of beer.]

Older ain't the same as old.

That's what old people say to feel young.

[There might be a hint of a mischievous smile on her face. She's not cured, but at least she's set aside her bourbon for a glass of water at the moment. This might be a good sign.]

You probably won't be able to keep up with everybody else soon.

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