phone post

[orangetoughguy]

"Motherfucker, I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys."

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✏ TEXT
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Comments

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[thenormalsquint]

Fuck you.

No, I think you two share the same vocabulary.

→ CALL

[orangetoughguy]

Who the fuck asked you?

[To the parrot thing. Wait why is he talking to a parrot thing??]

I can be Shakespeare. [Read: he means he can rap.]

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[thenormalsquint]

[For the same reason he was speaking to a toucan?]

And you would be dead.

[Please, Freddy. You're more Vanilla Ice than Eminem.]

→ CALL

[orangetoughguy]

[Sam has way more personality in his opinion. Speaking of.] You hear that Sam? Guy thinks he's some fuckin' comedian, that's bullshit.

[E-e-e-e-ee-e. Yep. Okay he's talking to Angela again.] So what did you get another pet? Finally admitted how supercool it is to have a bird?

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[thenormalsquint]

Better than yours! Better than yours! Too creepy!

[She may have taught the bird that last one. Maybe. Perhaps. Possibly.]

If I got another pet, I would get something much, much quieter. I woke up with him tied to me.

→ CALL

[orangetoughguy]

Suck it, birdbrain. [To the parrot, fff.]

You too huh? I've seen that going around. Kinda weird, I mean have you seen that Hitchcock movie?

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[thenormalsquint]

Yeah, only those were crows. So far, I haven't see any crows, just parrots, peacocks, and hummingbirds. And toucans that makes creepy noises.

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[orangetoughguy]

Peacocks won't kill you.

[Actually they probably could but what does Freddy know.] Hey, Sam's no strings attached.

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[thenormalsquint]

No strings, but definitely creepy noises.

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[orangetoughguy]

So he's a little different, but he's all affection.

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[thenormalsquint]

So you get all your kisses from a bird. Freak.

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[orangetoughguy]

At least my bird puts out a little, what do you get out of a serenade?

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[thenormalsquint]

Less worrying about who the girlfriend in your relationship really is.

[IF ONLY SHE KNEW.]

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[orangetoughguy]

Whoa whoa I'm not the girlfriend.

[For the record he's not the girlfriend; he's the wife. Also now he has to thrown in an amendment.]

Nothing's wrong with being "the girlfriend" but seriously.

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[thenormalsquint]

Did I say there was? I'm just saying that maybe Sam has been this mystery woman all this time.

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[orangetoughguy]

[WHOOSH right over his head...cause he has more things to hide.]

Sam's a boy.

[Think about what you're saying for a second Freddy.]

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[thenormalsquint]

And?

[Not that she's hinting at anything, but this is Angela he's speaking to. If anybody knows anything about breaking the gender rules, it's her.]

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[orangetoughguy]

[There's a pause here as Freddy tries to think of something clever and not incriminating to say.]

He'd be my boyfriend.

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[thenormalsquint]

Which according you about his affections, he sounds like he already is.

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[orangetoughguy]

It's casual, nothing serious, no one gets hurt.

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[thenormalsquint]

Except for Sam, when you tell him you've fallen in love with a peacock.

Asshole!

→ CALL

[orangetoughguy]

[Hah, she said peacock.] Hey fuck you.

[To the parrot again, it's almost like talking to Pink. And then to Angela again.] I don't think I can handle a peacock, too showy, high maintenance. I could give it your number.

→ CALL

[thenormalsquint]

Right. I'm not the furry in this conversation.

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[orangetoughguy]

The what?

[Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Freddy wwwhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy.]

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[thenormalsquint]

The furry.

[Yes, Freddy, why?]