orangetoughguy | log post II

What're you gonna do?

[Freddy asks without turning towards Larry but after a silent moment he turns in his seat to look at the old man, all the way up to the top of the stairs. He owes it to Larry to look at him, speak to him, listen to him. That man put up with so much already. Green eyes are looking a little cooler, not as caramel. Even at this distance though he can make out the striations in warm brown eyes.]

Shower I guess.

[What to do with the kid. Apologies aren't needed but they're appropriate for something like this aren't they? Larry heaves a sigh and rubs the back of his neck.]

I don't want no fight.

[For Christ's sake everyone's been upset enough for one day. That's apparent.]

I'm real sorry, Larry. [Freddy says quietly, almost inaudible considering the distance between them.] I didn't mean anybody wrong.

[He wronged the bird most by putting Sam's health at risk.]

I didn't want you mad at him cause he's some kinda nuisance, I'm just not good at takin' care of'im.

[There, the kid said it. He's unfit to keep a pet.]

Shut up. The fuck up was with the diamonds. That was the problem.

[You shouldn't have done that. Except the kid already knows. He doesn't need to say. Larry shakes his head waves off the comment either that he made or any retort Freddy will attempt to make.]

Lesson learned. He's gonna be okay.

[Inhale. Exhale. As for Larry, he's not harmed. Angered? A portion. Hurt? Not his wording but true. Touched? Absolutely. This crazy fucked up man doing anything to make things a little right.]

I wasn't mad at him. Didn't I tell you that?

[Did the kid not believe the old man? Huff. Well. He wasn't all that convincing in his way.]

When he went missing today I was worried about the little guy.

[Because if he left so did Freddy's happiness. It's different than losing an opportunity to get something from boxtops.]

[He doesn't wince when Larry tells him to shut up despite wanting to. He respects the old man too much even though sometimes Freddy does dumb shit like this that seems to imply otherwise. Get your freckled ass off the couch, Newendyke. Another breath and Freddy's on his feet then moving up the stairs at a quick but not haphazard pace.]

I know, Larry, and I'm real glad you did. I didn't think you fuckin' wouldn't, you're not that kinda guy, I knew you'd help find him.

[Yet Freddy couldn't 'know' Larry wouldn't have blown a gasket over the diamond digging? He leans against the railing, just one step below Larry.] Let me make it right by you. Please.

[The drive to try and expel his own anger, to try and simmer down is as strong as the other side. Fuck.

Don't say hardened things. He said he was sorry. You're a sorry old man too, ain't you?]

You don't need to. I mean, you apologized already. I know you didn't mean nothing by it all.

[Since they're so close there's no need to raise his voice at all above almost a mumble. He looks to the hand Freddy has at the rail to his face.]

I want to, Larry. I want to stop bein' such a stupid son of a bitch.

[Thinking he could take in such an unconventional pet, keep it happy, keep Larry happy, keep everyone content to live under this roof in some mutant form of idyllic domesticity. You should've known better, Newendyke. He turns to sit on the top step, hands out, palms up.]

I swear to God I'm not tryin' to fuck everything up. I'm not.

[He worries the old man might start believing the kid sabotages things to keep from growing too attached to something so good that he might not have back home.]

You're not fuckin' stupid. I told you. You didn't fuck everything up. Stop. Do that for me, okay? Just stop. We found your bird. I'm glad. He'll be okay. We're rock solid.

[Is Larry trying to convince himself? If he could turn the page on this leg of the story...he would. Talking about it may not get it better. There'll be no fucking tonight as far as he can tell either. The bullshit is too stupid (yeah that is stupid what a way to deflect) to let it ruin it all.

Does Freddy think they need a bird or diamonds to be happy? They don't. It'll happen one way or the other.

The old man takes a seat beside the kid. Might take a bit of squeezing. Scoot. Move it. He rakes his fingers through his own hair.]

[He's about to argue Larry on that point but for once Freddy keeps his mouth shut. It's what his room mate...something or other guy...wants, not that he stops talking but that he stops talking about this. Freddy's not dense, he knows that. Would it count if these green eyes do the talking for him? Scoot scoot, he makes room for the old man and just looks at him. These eyes are saying:

I'm so fucking sorry please forgive me, if you forgive me maybe someone up there will see to it Sam still has a good chance to live the rest of his days as a happy toucan.]

[A meaty forearm comes to rest along Freddy's thigh and a hand touches at his knee. He sees those green eyes and they way they look at him as though asking for punishment or permission to speak more apologies or promises for amends.]

It's been a long day, cowboy.

[That's about all that can be said about that. Larry's head leans just so to touch hear his shoulder. He's not going to lean but this close maybe the kid can see this is what matters. And this is what makes it hurt so much that the kid believes that little fibs can make this any better than it already is.]

[Maybe a part of him seeks a little punishment from Larry because Sam himself can't dish it. Stop that Newendyke, stop being such a fucking fool for everyone's approval. The weight on his thigh feels so good and still feels undeserved, but he won't push it away because Larry does what he wants. Larry still wants to touch him. Freddy appreciates that.]

Yeah....

[A freckled arm snakes out to curl around the old man's waist, pulling him flush up against the kid so Freddy can be the one to lean in instead, face to the crook of Larry's neck. If he'll allow it.]

I hope he's gonna be okay. [Because if the toucan dies he'll be taking along a little piece of Freddy's own confidence with him.]

[Oh, he'll allow it. Larry isn't a heartless man. He wants any touch he can get still after all this time. They can only touch each other in privacy. There are so many hours in a day too. He'll take whatever he can get. Being skin to skin even now makes him sigh.

What a mess, Sam. Is it easy to at least be sick and not know why? That's complicated enough as it is right now.]

The doc will take care of everything. Wait and see.

[Experience has lead Larry to know when it's alright to take liberties on the truth without any proof. Times like now it's okay. Freddy needs certainty. The refrigerator hums in the quiet that settles. It's nice to sit this way. No words.

Very nearly midnight now.]

[That bohemian cultured fuck doesn't get this. Ever. Never will as far as this comic cultured kid is concerned too. Touching like this when they can, out of the public eye, that's what Freddy fibs for--er...lives for. Sorry, the white lies (as opposed to white lines) come at a fucking price because they're not so white after all. Shit he's twenty-seven now, not far from thirty at all, but he's got a bit to grasp about keeping people happy and why overreaching can be just as poor as not reaching far enough.]

Alright, Larry.

[He presses a kiss to that thick neck. No one sees this, no one has that privilege although some days, in moments just like it, Freddy wants to proudly show off what a fucking good man he has. Criminal record and all.]

[Another sigh for the touch of that kid's mouth on his skin. The effect is like a slow acting, highly potent drug. More contact they have the more the fire in him is altering. Freddy Newendyke is is favorite drug, addicting and reckless he couldn't do without it. The longer he is with this man the more certain it is that he couldn't tolerate to part.]

Everything's gonna be alright, baby.

[Bullshit like this is for no one else's ears. Would that bohemian motherfucker even have this kind of control over the matter? Would he even know where to start with a kid who would readily try and convince his man that a bird can lay diamonds when it's a boy? ....then again, Larry believes that dick would not have a problem with the bird at all. Or have diamonds stashed in a closet.

Larry turns his head enough to plant a kiss on the other man's cheek.

Midnight.]

Thanks, man.

[Freddy may not have much experience with men but he knows what he likes and what he likes is Lawrence Dimick. Okay fuck that, who he loves is Lawrence Dimick. A kiss to the neck, a kiss to the cheek, those aren't even seals of fucking approval. They're just a natural given.]

Take your shower, I'll be in bed.

[He pats the paw on his knee. As for whose bed? Larry's of course.]

[After that shower he took a particularly long time to get to bed. And while there he kept to himself. Maybe he's not the cuddling type but usually they sleep closer together. Or contact just happens during the night. The old man woke tight lipped. It remained that way after the first cup of coffee.

Three cigarettes have been sucked down by this man already.]

You hungry?

[Yeah, Newendyke. He means you.]

I don't think we got much around.

[Honestly, Larry doesn't want to go out. But the man is hungry. So...]

A little.

[Minimal contact, tight-lippedness, and chainsmoking have all not gone unnoticed by one Newendyke. He thinks this may be about the bird because Freddy also didn't not notice the tension in the old man's body, the lines in his face. Maybe Larry's just decided to keep it all in and that isn't fair to him. Come on Newendyke, speak up.]

Are you okay?

[Basic question to gauge. Sure it makes the kid look kind of dumb as a rock because White does not look okay, but it's better than presuming the man wants to blow. Larry's temper can be explosive however he's just...different around Freddy.]

We can go out.

[His lips move like he is going to say more but he stops and looks to a place away from Freddy. Frustration is apparent on his features as he shakes his head.]

I didn't sleep good.

[Which is not a lie. And not an answer to the kid's questioning like a seasoned pro to interrogations.]

[One pluck and he's got a Marlboro between his lips too. This kind of seasoned pro to interrogations still knows a perp on the edge when he sees one, except this time he has no reason to believe Larry's perpetrated anything. In fact it's Freddy who caused a breach in trust, and its more his familiarity with Larry than his experiences as a cop that tells him the old man's not cool.]

We don't have to.

[He still hasn't lit the cigarette yet.] Do you wanna yell at me? [You you you, you always think it's about you, Newendyke. Well considering the bird biz...]

[Lawrence "Two Guns" Dimick should know better. He's giving away too much in his body language. It's too fucking tense. There's something seriously distracting him. He's listening for something else in the quiet of the apartment. Something that isn't the words coming out of Freddy's mouth.]

I wanna get out of here.

[Though he doesn't extend from that. There it is again. The looking away after saying it to the air or...something. It's highly evasive. When Freddy asks if he wants to yell all attention is on the man.]

Yell at you? [Brown eyes squint and he spreads his hands his open hands.] No. I don't. Just--let's just go. Please.

[The fact that Larry wants to leave the apartment is a different kind of telling all together. That's unusual for him and clues the kid into the fact that this isn't about Sam at all. They were out for hours yesterday just because of the toucan. This is something else.]

Okay. [Freddy nods. 'Let's' he says, together. 'Please' he says. That's both a relief and a worry. He gets up while lighting the cig, smokes on an empty stomach, ain't no thing to this kid. He looks at Larry, trying to make that curiously intense eye contact again.] What's wrong?

[Again he'll ask just because he can. Freddy's got the keys and his jacket.]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Seldom is he this directly evasive. It's cowardly to a man who always says what he wants even though it is an expression of wants. As far as he's concerned the investigation is shutting down. The questions will multiply. She'll hear.

He'll busy himself getting his coat and yet another smoke. He isn't going to hold off on lighting it like Freddy. It's ignited instantly.]

Come on.

[Get on with the day it needs to start with breakfast and ending this conversation.]

[That sort of evasion makes Freddy put the brakes on. He stops with himself between Larry and the door, in other words he's a foxy wizard and the old man's a bearog.]

You don't have to talk about it but maybe there's something I can do man.

[Come on the kid still wants to achieve atonement somehow even if the old man doesn't quite need it. If Larry has an unrelated problem Freddy wants to back him up all the way.]

No. There's nothing you can do.

[That solid and certain of a statement comes out without hesitation. Another brick wall. Roll again, foxy wizard. Bearog is intent on trying to pass.]

How do you know that?

[Freddy asks, rolling the dice again because he thinks he can risk possibly going down the endless mine.]

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