14th

[orangetoughguy]

[Shifty sneaky surveillance video is on, showing a seemingly complacent monkey toy creature beast thing sitting on top of a tool box. Your narrator whispers.]

It's still watching me. [The camera pans around...around...and the monkey's head follows.] This shit is so fucked up, I mean really fucked up, an experiment in Romero fuckin' fear fucked up.

[...Arrrrooouuund...a full 180 degrees. THE SCREECHING AND ATTACKING BEGINS. Said narrator shouts "SHIT!" as the camera attempts a hasty retreat. The video feed ends on a tight close up of enraged bulging monkey eyes.]

Comments

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Look, the cat sees one, tries to kill it, that's hardly me being afraid of the motherfucker.

[orangetoughguy]

It skipped my mind you're both used to living with loud ugly bastards.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I forget you jump at sudden noises and Steelers Wheel songs.

[orangetoughguy]

That's about as funny as a cry for help, asshole.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Hardly my fault it's true.

[orangetoughguy]

Hardly my fault shit like that gets you laid up.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I'm pretty sure it was your fault, actually.

[orangetoughguy]

Are you gonna ride my ass on that forever?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I don't swing that way, kid.

[orangetoughguy]

So that's a no?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I got better shit to give you crap about.

[This is true, vaguely.]

[orangetoughguy]

[That's...the weirdest answer ever.]

Are you feeling alright?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

[P A U S E]

The monkey makes it fucking hard to think about shit, okay?

[orangetoughguy]

It shouldn't take longer than five minutes to change your pants.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I'm not the one cowering in fear at work, am I?

[orangetoughguy]

The element of surprise is a totally different game.

[pinkeffinprofessional]

You compared it to Romero.

[orangetoughguy]

So what do you cower in a Romero theater?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I don't cower point-blank.

[orangetoughguy]

As long as you got your fleabag sure.